Undignified

its all HIS anyway.

2011-04-08T16:40:00.001-04:00

All this fuss about not getting paid really is ridiculous. Ba.hum.bug. I firmly believe our military should [and deserves] to get paid, and in a situation where we {usually} never have to worry about not getting a steady pay check. OH WAIT we do. Oh the stories of back pay. At least we get back pay though right? I mean I know this is coming from a family that has saved enough that this pay delay won't affect us too adversely [holla out to Mr. Ramsey]. I mean we will not be going out to celebrate at the nearest McDonalds any time soon or buying more groceries than are absolutely necessary until this situation is rectified. And I am thanking the Lord we cloth diaper! But nor am I pulling out the gold to sell it at the nearest pawn shop [ps I don't have gold anyway].

All this just makes me think of a little over a year or two ago when all those people lost their jobs. Many people very close to me lost their hours and received a pay cut. They were devastated by the economy. It wasn’t a delay either. Please don’t misunderstand my tone hear. I remember what it’s like on a PV2 salary. I know what it’s like to receive enlisted pay HA! We have always lived on a budget and had to watch our finances closely because we have never had too much room to wiggle. My heart cries out to the Lord for the people that this will devastate their situation, maybe it’s you. Late fees. And termination fees. When you are already *note above* on a tight budget. The world does not understand back pay. Tell the world “here let me write you an IOU, I’m good for the money, I get back pay” and we will just get a go [insert naughty word here] you.

I just can’t help but express my gratitude even in this craptastic situtation. That the Army [US Government] has been faithful. Maybe not always on time but they have always paid us eventually. Yes that sucks for now, but there were a whole lot of people I know that that sucked for them the end. They didn’t get back pay. They didn’t get anything. It was just done. They lost their job with none other insight.

So until then. I am celebrating with the Lord that He has always provided. He is the source of everything. Ultimately it is His faithfulness that has kept food on the table and heat in my house. I wrote a blog not too long ago in which a quoted Beth Moore I think it can stand to be repeated again in the midst of the chaos we are facing.

“Some where along the way we accept Satan's lie that we had something to do with our provisions. It is not our effort but God who provides for us. When we have plenty we tend to forget the source of the bounty.”

Don’t forget the source. Don’t misconstrue that its not congress or the individuals that determine our future. He is in control of all things. He is the ultimate provider. You have no reason to fear. He has ordained our steps even before we could place them.

Resting in His promises.

blog worthy.

2011-03-18T14:54:00.005-04:00

from today's bible study. beth {yes we are on a first name basis here} says it all.

"Now I will put you through the hardest test of all: I will let you grow accustomed to My presence. I will feed you from My table daily and prove who you really are. Will you grow in awe, or will you grow cold?" talking about Exodus 16:4 the Lord raining down manna

"Have you grown casual with God? Has He become an assumption to you? Do you feel that you know all you need to know about Him? Is it even getting hard to go through the motions? When was the last time you fell on your face before Him and wept over the unfathomable fact that He has chosen to take up residence in your very being? Someone in ministry once said to me about my zeal, 'You'll get over it.' May God usher me home before I accept an ongoing lifestyle of spiritual mediocrity!"

"Often our character is at greater risk in prosperity than in adversity. Some where along the way we accept Satan's lie that we had something to do with our provisions. It is not our effort but God who provides for us. When we have plenty we tend to forget the source of the bounty"

***I am in love. Its changing and revitalizing my heart every day. Love this study. Love my Jesus more. Lord may I never lose sight that You are the source of everything***

houston we have a blog post.

2011-03-17T19:48:00.003-04:00

You know. I think of lots of really great things all day long. I also have fantastic converstations with myself inside my head. I start to blog {you should see all my drafts} and its like I draw a blank. I actually considered just shutting down the blog altogether. If only there was a way to just think and have it automatically transferred to the blogsphere. The epitamy of lazy. Or perhaps I'm just exhausted. Exhausted all. the. time. When I get a second of down time I want to do nothing but stare blankly into the TV. Yes I am that person. I confess. I love love my TV. I don't care who knows it. I'll shout if from the roof tops. This is what we get when I finally blog. Perhaps another reason why I'm not all about the blogging is I think people should just all join Facebook and keep updated on my live via status' and comments. Comments on Facebook make my heart smile. I also love Facebook. I also love my children. There is where the honestness lies. How do these people with kids manage to sit down and do all these blogs. Now granted people ask me the same thing as I can punch out a novel in just a few seconds to which I will now reveal my secret to novel writing emails, comments, blogs, and etc. 1. I talk an unbelievable amount and decently fast. 2. My brain goes atleast 5xs the amount I talk so I'm constantly three sentences ahead of what I type, write, or say. 3. I had to take a typing class in high school so I'm actually really good at typing and can therefore type ALMOST as fast as I can think.... so blogging actually doesn't take that much time for me when I actually get time. But like I stated before when I actually do find time I ruthlessly enjoy my brain turning to mush while watching television. So there we have it and my time is up. My never ending cycle of feeding my daughter has just came up. My number has been called. In the words of my awesome nephew peace out homie homie.

twoforone

2011-02-04T20:36:00.003-04:00

so today also marks another anniversary for my mom&dad {inlaw} and thought they deserved a moment of pause as well. after all have you seen this clan?!?! And this isn't even all of us any more. That they wrangle us all is quite remarkable.

So to Mom and Dad. Although I wasn't actually born from you two {thank you Jesus-that'd be weird} I am so grateful that you absolutely are my mom and dad. There isn't a day that I'm not thankful for the children you raised from birth and the ones you've collected over the years. That you are a prime example of the truth that love expands. Its never limited. It's continually growing. And infact the more people you love the more intense that love becomes. That you live by example and encourage all of us to grow. So to the best parents and grandparents a kid could ever wish for... Happy Anniversary!!!! We love you so much!

about a girl.

2011-02-04T19:33:00.008-04:00

This is a blog about this cool girl. Her name is Jen. She was born today. And that makes me happy. SO to you friend. The story of US ;)

We both decided to go to college...and this is where we met.

We became best friends. And practically lived together.

Then I decided to drop out. To marry this guy. There she my #1 friend.

At the wedding she met this guy and they became friends.

THEN they became this TEAM.

She decided to marry THAT guy, and here I am here #1B.

Now she's my sister.

Then they decided to multiply. Jen + Nic = +1 more. Then WE became THIS....
and had all THESE....
and oh wait we're not quite done...
{yes I drew this picture. for free. with my awesome talentedness}

This is because we look hot.

Jesus is pretty neat. It's cool how He set us up. Then set you and Nic up. Now were family and thats pretty sweet. We have cool kids. And we're still on this road called life traveling together. Working it out. Figuring this whole friendship, parenting, family, thing here on the ground. One day we'll be in Heaven together, and thats great too. I hope you have a really awesome birthday. Thanks for sticking around. Being my friend. Sharing our family. Growing together. I love you dearly and hope you had a great day and feel my love from miles away {not for much longer now!}

yes. i also stole most these pictures from facebook. i am a thief. jen i did it all for you. ;)

in with the new.

2011-01-01T17:19:00.002-04:00

Well. Let's see. We started the year on seperate continents seperated by an ocean but kept together by love ;) Miraculously got pregnant in a two week window on Sam's R&R. Had more trips to the E.R. then I ever thought possible, or ever want to experience again. Spent half the year under the same roof as my father. Got in a car accident. We celebrated FIVE years of marriage. Sam turned 25. Sam came home from his 2nd deployment safe, sound, and whole. We got to share the experience with almost the whole family! My baby turned 2. Traded the Pacifica for a minivan. With that same trade we were able to get Sam a work car. Celebrated 6 years in the Army. I got outrageously huge with child. We finally found a church we love!! Welcomed baby girl into the world. Made several trips to the zoo. Had some great visits from family. Didn't go home for any of the holidays, but managed okay on our own. Gavin's pretty much potty trained. Charlotte's sleeping through the night. Despite spending half the year apart, Sam and I have had our best year ever together.

I know there were some points during the year that I felt and thought I may not make it through, ironically I can barely remember them. I'm left overwhelmed with awe at our miraculous our God is. We've made it through TWO deployments with our marriage stronger than ever. I laugh more now with my husband than ever before. Although evenly matched with our two kids now, I feel like we are more of a team than ever. Charlotte by far was the greatest moment of 2010 for us. But I am excited to be ending the year fully recovered and healthy [no more nausea for me!], although almost 40lbs heavier [thanks Charlotte], and starting off with my whole family under one roof. I'm excited about this being the last full year in the military and being 14 hrs from home, losing those 40lbs, seeing Gavin turn three and transition into my big boy, watching my little girl learn to sit, crawl, walk, and talk, and seeing how my love for my husband continues to grow stronger each day. So bring it on 2011. I'm ready to get this year started and to see where we end up.

my little nut nut.

2010-12-30T14:53:00.009-04:00

So its been two months since this little girl has been outside my body. I L.O.V.E. her. She's pretty awesome. She constantly smiles and enjoys to smile at nothing? Ha. She laughs in her sleep. She likes to try to talk to her momma. She's good at being gorgeous and smart and super strong. She loves to be rocked or bounced or put in her swing. She always wants to be apart of everything that is going on around her. She likes to play closest to you so that YOU know she's there and can talk to her. She is just a button.
Today we had her check up and she's 13lbs 1oz and 23.5in long. That puts her in the 99%for weight and 95% for height. She has totally taken her mommy by surprise. The girls gots rolls and rolls and rolls, and I L.O.V.E. IT! The doctor today told me she was much more like a 4 month old and not just in her size and weight. She was rolling over in the doctor's office. She can hold up her weight [stand] when you hold her hands. She is even starting to try to sit up. I can't believe it. She needs to slow down {not really... I'm just a little emotional today}. Between her and her "advanced-ness" and Gavin fitting perfectly in new 4T shirts we got him & now wearing underwear!... I need my kids step back on the growing. I feel like they are off to college already.

She really isn't very much like her brother. I love that my kids are already so uniquely themselves. They each look so different, one like me and one like sam. Then they act so different, probably one like me :/ and one like sam. I joke, but am really serious, when I say the more kids I have the more I want. I just love who they are and all the ups and downs and inbetween moments with them. I like the people me+sam create. Well Jesus really did it, but I like the combination they get from us. I like the chaos that they bring, sleep deprivation and all. I cherish the joy the exude. Its funny how after marrying Sam I could barely remember life before him, and really don't care to think of life without him. Its the same with my children. Its only been two months since she's been here but I cannot imagine my life without her. I live an extremely blessed life and every day I thank the One who's given me more than I deserve, although often find I can't find the words to say... I'm just left overwhelmed with gratitude and speechless.

Santa.

2010-12-24T09:42:00.001-04:00

Disclaimer:
I think most people [well at least I hope so] decide to do or not do certain things for specific reasons. I’m not saying that I have all the answers or am right or that you are a bad parent or person for choosing to do things differently. However, I do the things I do for specific reasons that I feel right; otherwise I wouldn’t be doing them and I am secure and confident in our choices to do them. I trust and hope it’s the same for you as well. I don’t think the “minor” things are deal breakers with the Kingdom of God, they feel a lot bigger when you have a stance on them, but honestly there is no chapter in the bible that specifically covers Santa. With our children I think that’s part of the responsibility and privilege that comes with the territory. With each step of the way we have sought the Lord, prayed, sought wise counsel, and talk with each other on what we feel the Lord is saying and calling us to do for ourselves and our children. We all are not going to fully see eye to eye on all things. I get that. I respect that. At the end of it all we will have to agree to disagree.

First off, I just want to explain what we DO do {“Friends” lovers please insert chuckle here} When Gavin was born we decided to ask the Lord what He wanted for our family for traditions and etc. A couple things. The Lord emphasized birthdays… they’re BIG. He showed us He wanted us to take one day a year and lavishly pour out our praise and excitement for the person He created. He wanted us to extravagantly emphasize that we were made for a reason and a purpose and He celebrates us. And we get to celebrate that He created us! That to me was exciting. When it came to Christmas He put that same emphasis on the fact this is the day we celebrate Jesus’ birth. As a result each year Jesus is our main focus, we throw Him a birthday party to the best of our ability. We put up the birthday sign. We make a cake. And we pray and ask Him what He wants for His birthday.

This segways into reason #2 to steal a quote from my dear sister friend Jen Chaput, “our King came down from His throne to be with us and make a way for us to be with Him forever. now that's an event worth celebrating” His sacrifice. He gave up everything to be with us. What a sacrifice He made. So, each year we try to model that sacrifice and as a result we don’t exchange gifts [which I have many reasons why I don’t particularly care for gifts on Christmas, but that’s not for now] We take what we might have spent on each other and give to someone who needs it more. In hopes of spreading the joy and the gift we receive in Jesus and praying that get to know Jesus a little more by our sacrifice. This year we donated through Gospel for Asia: a cow, some chickens, some rabbits, and a water purifier. You can ask our family if they like their gifts or not ha! But that’s what we gave them.

With all of that. Now for how we feel about Santa. In all honesty, I don’t even know how Santa became such a huge part of our tradition for Christmas as Christians. Even the man of Nicolas who, yes lived long ago, loved the Lord fiercely, and did mighty and awesome things in His name… I mean did he give gifts during Christmas? I don’t know why his gifts are elevated higher than our Lord’s gift of His son??? Why Santa gets paired up with Christmas I think is more due to Hallmark, Coca-Cola, and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade [which started to set off the Christmas shopping season with a big glorious bang encouraging people to get out there and get those gifts]. I mean the whole story of Rudolph was created to sell more during Christmas, same with our cultural representation of the jolly Santa in the red and white [coca-cola colors] suit. St. Nicolas real. The man we call Santa, not so much. Research it. It’s true. And wildly disheartening, how much our cultural traditions of Christmas revolve around consumerism.

I think a lot of people get upset when I said the Santa lie. Would you prefer I use less harsh words: deception, fib, exaggeration??? (All of which can be found under the definition of a lie.) Whether or not you want to say that, because it sounds harsh, going and buying gifts then telling your kids that they came from a person that is LOOSELY based upon a real man, is not the truth. Maybe a half truth? But isn’t that still a lie. I’m just calling it as I see it. Now, I know the magic Santa holds. I was raised with it. I know the allure; I know the temptation to share that with your children. I also know that there are lots of things I would like to embark upon that I feel don’t glorify the Lord in its fullest so refrain from doing. For the record I would also like to state, I think there is quite a bit a difference between letting my son be a kid. Imagining his toys come to life or that his stuffed animals talk to him or that Disney characters are real. He comes to those conclusions on his own. I don’t tell him they are real, and if he asked me if they were real I would tell him the truth. I let my son be a kid, I let him use his imagination. I don’t feel I squash it in anyway, and trust in five to ten years he can tell you that himself. However, I also let him know what is real and what isn’t. I have some friends who work out the Santa thing in one of the most admirable ways I could think of [shout out to MO BREDEN] but even still I don’t agree with Santa. I don’t there is no way around it. I think he pulls from the true reason for the season, and I think my Jesus is enough. I don’t like to share Him with anyone or thing on His birthday. Just Him.

Yes, I feel strongly about all of this. Just like I’m sure you feel strongly about the other side of the fence. Please note my disclaimer above and also this is coming from the person who: won’t read or watch Twilight, Harry Potter, the Golden Compass, The Princess and the Frog, we don’t celebrate Halloween [we dressed up once and I was convicted] we pass out candy with evangelism tracts on how to know Jesus, we don’t do the Easter Bunny [a whole other tangent], and we don’t give gifts at Christmas. I know we are in the minority. I know that people may not like what I have to say or feel about these things, and I’m okay with it. I’m okay that people choose to do things different. But yes I do feel strongly about the things and know the Lord has led us to these conclusions, otherwise we wouldn’t be doing them.

while i wait...

2010-10-20T11:27:00.006-04:00

well. i'm still not even that close to my due date so really i can't complain. however, i am complaining so what are you going to do :P i'm one of those pregnant ladies. i have always been one of those pregnant people. i love my kids dont really love growing them inside my body. so dear charlotte tomorrow is a great day to be born and here are all the reasons why:

1. You're Grandpa is arriving! So he can stay home and watch your brother while we go to the hospital to have you.
2. It will put you exactly a month younger than your cool cousin Zion. That's pretty neat... its like you share the same birthday but in different months... common' thats cool!
3. It's the day after your other awesome cousin Luke was born.
4. Also Gavin was born after the Burkey Anniversary, why don't we just keep with tradition of having our birthday's after something Burkey?!?!
5. It's the day before your Auntie Katie's birthday, and she's pretty darn cool too.
6. October seems to be the month for our family.... with 5 other birthdays; but by being born tomorrow you can make the gap complete and beat out Papa and Nic and their birthday weekend. It'd be like a birthday week for you, Luke, and Kate.
7. I have a doctor's appointment Friday, I would rather not attend, so if you can just make your way out so I don't have to go that would be great.
8. Lots of friends have given your really awesome gifts and blankets and clothes, maybe you should come out so I can dress you up and wrap you up in style?!?!
9. Also, Christina has offered to make us scones, that sounds yummy... I would like some ASAP, so you need to get here so I can eat them, because she said she'd bring them once your here.
10. I really want to see your face, and I'm not a patient person.
The End.

In other areas, I love my son. He's so awesome. Even when he's terrible [get it terrible twos] he's absolutely wonderful. He is the highlight of my day every day. And every time I get contractions and I think of labor and I think of how uncomfortable I am... I look at this little bud and I melt. I am so thankful for him. He is worth it and a whole lot more. I can't wait to have another one. I love my children. Thanks Jesus.

Fall Fun!

2010-10-19T00:16:00.004-04:00

Daddy and his boy.

Gavin picked his own pumpkin

Pumpkin bounce w/ daddy

Gavin and Charlotte ;)

Yay! Family Photo

and part two...

2010-10-17T14:39:00.001-04:00

Now granted, we still get Heaven. That is no small feat. Will there be punishment? No I don’t think so, Jesus took that for us. Will there be torment? No, in fact I think there is something said about all my favorite foods being there ;) I think you get all of the good stuff that everyone else gets. But what’s the distinction then? Well, I think a lot.

1. You miss out on your inheritance here on Earth. The Kingdom starts here. It’s not after we die physically. It’s after we die spiritually to ourselves and gain the Holy Spirit. That means that when Jesus declares that you receive all heavenly blessings… that’s ALL. Not some. Not partial. Not this and not that. THAT IS EVERYTHING. But if you don’t claim it, someone else will… he’s called Satan or the Devil or as I like to prefer to say the Enemy. There is a full camp of darkness out there waiting to steal what is RIGHTFULLY yours by your own concessions. See they have only the power we give over to them. That is the unfortunate truth.

[#2 has to do with roles and crowns and rewards in heaven… is for a different time… and perhaps a different person hahahaha it’s still a little confusing to me]

But hey no worries… the great thing about our Lord is He gives us His authority by His name. At any point in time you can take it all back. Now it may be a process… it may not be over night, but you better believe when you call on the Name of God He is FAITHFUL to respond and ACT. He is not a complacent God.

See, I think our issue is as a whole, OKAY OKAY, MY ISSUE is… I am complacent. Up above where I’ve said that you can’t lose your salvation, I think that is total Truth. However, often we act as though we aren’t saved. So either…

A. You were never saved to begin with OR
B. [My issue here] Have neglected His voice so often that it’s like we’ve become callous and instead of yielding and transforming to His likeness we become like those around us…we become in a sense indistinguishable from the world we live in that we are called to be set apart in.

The revelation of losing your salvation never spoke so clearly to me one day then in a church service the other day and the preacher was telling us all about getting our stuff right and pretty much recommitting your life to Jesus if you’ve gone astray [emphasizing on the “big” sins here, drugs, sexual immorality, murder, and the like] … come back before it’s too late kind of deal. Wait, a darn minute! Are you telling me at any one point in time I am EVER going to get this life right? I mean seriously. I am not so arrogant [and I’m pretty arrogant sometimes] to believe I’m ever going to achieve the mark, where I am fully righteous and holy, free from sin? In fact the more I know and grow and love the Lord I realize as far as I’ve come [and it’s so miniscule] I have so much more to go.

See, I’m not getting into heaven by any standard I’ve achieved it’s only by the grace the Lord has so mercifully offered me. Honestly, I deserve death. I am THANKFUL there is judgment. I look at the world around me. I look at the darkness in MY heart, which I think the real wicked sins live [gossip, pride, judgment, laziness, complacency, the list goes on]. Then I look at our HOLY PURE RIGHTEOUS God… and we have all, on our best days, and the best of us, are so far from even a remotely adequate reflection of the greatest that lies within our Creator. Granted, I think He did a marvelous job with mankind and with the Earth. I really am not one of those people that see the world as hopeless and awful… in fact more often I see beauty and majesty even in the most desperate of people and times. And firmly believe that 99% of us do wrong without realizing the magnitude of the consequence of sin, and more often than not our wounds we inflict on others come from our own hurts we haven’t allowed the Lord to take over and heal.

All this to say. I think we all have our junk. We are all in the same boat. However, that being said I think too often we teeter the line between what the pastor today at church said, “we worry about trying to fit in as Christians instead of just being Christians.” My heart breaks sometimes when I see facebook status’ and blogs [and I’m not saying I haven’t been there and don’t do this, my heart breaks for myself when I have that reality check in the mirror] of people I know to proclaim they are Christian, yet if they didn’t outwardly yell to me, “hey I believe in Jesus,” I would have no clue they followed the God of the universe, the creator of the heavens and the earth. And I think how often does my life not reflect Him in such a way I would have to TELL someone I ‘m a Christian [and a real Christian, not the ones that pretty much bash you over the head with a bible… you know the ones were named after, the ones that are suppose to look like our leader Jesus, the Christ, the son of the Living God] for them to get it. I hope my life shows more than that. Maybe they don’t know I’m a Christian, but hopefully they see something different [and the good kind of different here not bad]. Because bottom line. We’re different. We’re called to be separate. We are called to a different standard because we know what Truth is, our eyes have been opened, don’t choose to ignore the sights around you.

I think this all goes back to our inheritance that the Lord leaves us. He left us the keys to His kingdom. The opportunity to sit in the presence of the Almighty. For Him to dwell within our hearts and homes. Yet we live despaired, discouraged, and defeated. We have victory in front of us, but instead choose not to pick it up. We let idols run our life. You think Baal and those other pagan gods we read about in the OT were so ridiculous, but let’s open our eyes to the ones that plague our society today. I look around and see so much. They are called much different things now, but they are still there. Unfortunately, they are still there in my life and home too. I think of the things I surrender daily by just not offering it up to God, not asking for His anointing and supernatural presence to come and intervene, let alone the things that keep all His blessings at bay because I fill my life with crap that has nothing to do with His glory.

I am one of those people, and I don’t care. We don’t celebrate Halloween, we don’t do Santa, we don’t do the Easter Bunny, I believe most almost all uses of alcohol are equal to using drugs and should be looked at as bad, I don’t let my kid (s) watch lots of shows, I don’t let myself watch lots of shows, I won’t go see the Golden Compass or Twilight or read Harry Potter, I don’t believe in evolution or cavemen [just the other day I found out 2 dinosaurs that I was taught were real, actually never existed….scientists got them wrong in fact they are something else… how often we think we have it figured out and at the end of the day its still a theory not scientific fact and should be treated like that] and I’m sure my weirdo list goes on. I know I still have lots of stupid things that take up my life and interest that the Lord hasn’t brought to light for me and my household. I’m not holier than thou. That’s not the point. Often I hide behind the line; well it’s a heart issue. Which it is. But some things are what they are, and if it’s not an issue maybe it should be. A spade is after all a spade.

Maybe if we aren’t living in the supernaturalness of God, we aren’t really living with Him at all. If we don’t walk in power, maybe we aren’t really walking at all. Maybe as Paul so beautifully writes, were are BARELY escaping death. Yes, we get life, but only a small reflection of what we were created to receive.

Supernaturally Equipped [part one]

2010-09-29T05:12:00.006-04:00

Lately, I’ve been stuck in this wallow of pregnancy, and pregnancy woes. I’m not a huge fan of being uncomfortable or being in pain and after so many days, weeks, months, I get worn pretty thin. As a result I left some of my given authority [from Jesus] at the bedside and accepted things as the "natural" course or as the inevitable. That right there was my biggest mistake. Long before I got pregnant this time the Lord promised me this pregnancy. He promised me the redemption of what was lost in my first pregnancy and the blessing of a child long awaited for and what almost seemed impossible [with a husband gone for all but two weeks of the year] And YES it was a prophetic promise, much like that of Abraham's or of the Israelites' coming out of bondage into the promise land, on a much smaller scheme of things [I mean for us it was one child, not a nation, but still just as important to me…why because Jesus He cares about what I care about] Not only did He promise me the gift of this child, He declared over it that it would be FUN and full of life and joy and ease. My dear friends, these past several weeks and months have not been fun, in any of even the lightest interpretation of what He declared over me.

By faith I expected to get pregnant, and by God’s faithfulness I did. However, along the way I gave up some of that blessing, some of my very own inheritance from the Kingdom of Heaven, by believing and lying complacent to the things deemed “natural” by this world. Which there are natural laws of this Earth, you throw something up it comes down, you grow a person in your body you get bigger and could conclude more uncomfortable. Here is the problem with that being the said all. God created this world. HE determines the course of this world. He parted the red seas. He fed a nation in the dessert for 40 years. When three boys challenged the king and were thrown into fire, HE stood with them untouched and unburned. He raises the dead from the grave. Calms the seas, and then walks on them. Those my dear friends are not feats of this natural world. [Believe me I’ve tried walking on water; it doesn’t work, not even if you go really fast…]

All that to say two nights ago, the Lord brought to mind, [okay it started more than two nights ago…that still prodding voice of the Holy Spirit, it took me until two nights ago to actually LISTEN <>STORY OF MY LIFE, I’m kind of an idiot sometimes] So, I sat there, in my favorite pregnancy spot in the universe my big beautiful bath tub and confessed I’ve allowed this world to dictate more than enough of this pregnancy as “normal” and not held tightly to the promises my King laid before me and in turn surrendered my gift, my inheritance, my birthright as a child of God, to the Enemy and THEN well I TOOK. IT. BACK. Nothing like the power of Christ. (: I renounced, rebuked, and declared over myself and my body the promises He made over me.

That means :: NO HEARTBURN. NO ACID REFLUX [which here I should elaborate, I have not held a single meal down in WEEKS, my “nausea” more politely said, has been at an ALL TIME HIGH waking me up in the middle of the night, in the mornings, after sitting or bending down or standing or breathing, anytime there is any amount of food in my small cramped stomach]. NO SWELLING. NO BACK AND LEG SPASISMS. BEING ABLE TO BREATHE.

Right then and there my heartburn went away. I’ve never had such immediate healing. [You know expecting and believing by faith gets you pretty far but it’s not a cure all He is the Almighty HE does what HE wills when He wants to do it for reasons that in my limited capacity cannot always understand] Since, that night I have also not thrown up. Friends, believe me when I say that is no coincidence. I have not gone 24 hours without throwing up since I’ve approached the onset of my third trimester (so before 28wks and I am now over 35) and starting that night when I get heartburn and rebuke it in the name of Jesus and declare over myself that which He has promised that I am healed and whole that it immediately dissipates (when not Tums, not Prilosec, not Zantac, not any medication has offered any small feat of relief) that is miraculous. If you could feel the intense burning in my throat and chest go from on fire to nothing with the mention of the Name, Jesus… I’m telling you it causes you to pause. Now, my heartburn has crept back a couple times still, but each time I’ve prayed its gone away, sometimes completely other times it becomes so faint I barely notice it [again the cure all for healing, I don’t know. What it is or why? But I do know that Jesus is the one thing that seems to put it at bay and its gotten less and less frequent and intense since I’ve started doing this]. The rest of my symptoms have gotten better, not completely gone, but I would say 75%-90% better [so I’m much more comfortable] in all the areas I was struggling with [and that is 75-90% healing I didn’t have a couple days ago, I WILL TAKE IT… and well press in for more ha ha ha].

I think it’s interesting the amount of authority the Lord gives us that we just don’t tap into and well more or less surrender. You know when Jesus died on the cross He took all our sins. That means past, present, and future. They are all forgiven. I don’t believe a person can lose their salvation. I don’t believe we [even our choice] has that much power. I believe that when Jesus said no one can take you out of My hand {John 10}, He indeed meant NO ONE, not even us in our own willfulness and rebellious nature (I do not think I or we are more powerful than the Almighty God, I don't think I can take myself out of His hand). I think its more like when Paul states {1 Corinthians 3} that we will escape death as if barely escaping the flames of a burning building, saved, but left with nothing else to show for ourselves.

and this is where I break. part two coming sooner or later. i'm tired. back to bed for me. i wanted to keep it shorter so you'd read it ;)

I'm an AUNT again...

2010-09-21T19:05:00.003-04:00

I'm so proud of my sister Kate she's a rockstar. Today she gave birth to her third child, my 5th nephew [although one of those is actually a niece] Zion Josiah Podjan. He's a cutie. Which isn't a surprise. She makes some pretty good looking babies. I'm in love. Although I'm 800 miles away and haven't got to hold or see his face in person :'( I got to see him via interweb today and I've been praying for that boy like crazy. Dad made fun of me today because I was so happy Jesus heard and answered my prayers for Zion, and he was like ya I'm sure it was only your prayers ;) and I was like to me it was and Jesus answered them just for me because I wanted/needed him too, and that matters to Him. But a lot of people were praying for that sweet little dude and I know our Lord heard all of our requests, even though I only care He heard mine for my sister and nephew ;)

I'm excited. It makes me happy that Zion and Charlotte will only be *roughly* a month apart. I hope they're good friends even though Charlotte's a girl. Seeing his cute little floppy body made my heart skip a beat. I cannot wait to hold my sweet angel baby, and wish I could squeeze that cute little man. On the other hand, Kate's labor made me more than willing to wait the extra 6 weeks to go through that process again. She really is a rockstar. Probably my hero. I'm glad he's here because I got to see his face, but I'm happy he's not taking over her body anymore either. So... Happy Birthday Zion!!

PS thanks to Jen watching Kate's kids plus her own :) and Ann for being such a supportive sister in the line of fire ;) too. I love that my family takes care of each other, sad I'm not there, but so blessed knowing that I have people that love the people I love well. So good job team. We really are blessed.

PPS... the below post about Hubby going to school for those who don't have facebook... JESUS worked His awesomeness and He'll be home for atleast the next couple months, which is A-OK by me :D

the inevitable.

2010-08-28T05:30:00.004-04:00

Its quite remarkable. After 6 years in the military I've managed to walk in so much favor and blessing that I would almost claim I've had it easy as a military spouse. Now Sam has been deployed two out of those years, been to probably close to another year in schools, jumps, and training that's taken him to and fro our homestead, but he has managed to be here for the birth of our son (and soon to be daughter) and been relatively constant in our lives... and for when he hasn't I have always had somewhere to run and crash [a la casa de Chaput aka Mommy and Daddy hahahaha] or someone to coerce into coming and staying with me for extend periods of time [mainly Sharon, my wonderful mother in law, or my father]

Hubby is due to attend ALC [advance leaders course] and his set date only 6 days after poor miss Charlotte is suppose to approach this world? Yes that would be correct. Now, depending on when she arrives, that date could possibly be pushed back... but either way looks like my man soon after the birth of our second child, after only being home for a matter of months from Iraq, will be attending a two month [three months if he has to go over Christmas because of course? they take a break] long school to advance his leadership skills [that really is useless to us since we're getting out of the Army, but that's how the Army rolls].

I've always had lots and lots of people and places to lean on and take as much support as I needed... and for the first time since I've married Sam in May of 2005 my options are limited. Now, don't get me wrong it was inevitable. As everyone continues to grow and expand including our own household... I mean we are the ideal guests.... Lets see. A toddler. A newborn. Me. OH, and let's not forget the 80lb Golden Retriever that comes along with us. :P As mom and dad's house is at a maximum [As the other Chaputs move in here in just a few weeks]... I don't feel quite comfortable imposing my household on anyone else. You know its a matter of how wildly inconvenient you can be. It's like with parents the more you impose the more they love you. I don't really feel at ease putting that burden on anyone else. Plus there is just the matter of sheer space, and we pack quite the punch over here now with approaching two children and a dog...

So looks like I will be camping out with my two kids good ol Army style. I'm sure I can recruit someone to come visit for a decent amount of time, but let's be honest fall and Christmas isn't the most low key time of year. It just makes me sad that Sam had to miss a whole year of Gavin's life, the first half of the pregnancy wasn't that big of a deal, but the first couple months of Charlotte's life? That just seems cruel. It seems wildly unfair that he is stateside yet, he will miss on the more crucial and most dramatic changes of Charlotte's short life. I mean at least after six months they slightly slow down... but those first months every day is like a year. Not to mention after 6 weeks Gavin slept through the night, and here's hoping Charlotte will too... it would be nice to be able to get some sleep. However, it comes with the territory, we did after all sign up voluntarily. And I am not an Army hater. It's been so good to us, even with all the hardships.

I suppose this all is just one more reason why I am thankful the Lord has provided us a different path then the military. I'm blessed that for almost every training and deployment I've had some where to retreat and someone to come aid. All in all I've had it exceptionally good. We've had it easy to come home or easy to bring home to us, and as that gets a little bit harder, I'm more and more thankful home is not that too far off [hoping Sam finds a job there]. Either way, the months and years of training and sacrificing are coming to a close. I couldn't be more excited to get this season over.

Until then, I firmly trust and stand in the promises of my Lord. He does all things for His glory and my benefit. Even the hard times or unpleasant surprises [even if I cry the whole time], He has never overlooked a second of my life, I don't believe He just started. So, Lord as always I trust you to either work it out, or bless me as I endure it :) I don't believe my favor has run out. It might just be coming to me in a whole new light.

Red Herring

2010-08-24T07:28:00.006-04:00

I had this dream the other night that we had a boy instead of a girl. I don't know why I never second guessed anything with Gavin, oh, I think it was because we had like 5 ultrasounds. With Charlotte we've only had one, really... I have strongly felt like since the beginning that she was a girl similarly to with Gavin I felt he was a boy, and that the Lord gave me insights into both of them to prepare my heart and get excited for them even before I knew them. Because that's how awesome Jesus is.

For whatever reason then, I have been a little like what if she's a boy. What if Charlotte is a ________ ? And that right there is the basis of my mild concern. I don't really have a boy name. We had our top two names*, but they were never really agreed upon, and then a friend had a baby and her son is one of those names... so would be still use it? or would be use the other? or come up with an entirely different name? would we just wait and be surprised at the hospital and have to come up with a name then and there? do you remember or know what its like to pick names out with my husband? [real boy names of his choice... NO I'm not exaggerating.... Xerses, Leonidis, Septimus, Rock, and I forget some of the others, but pretty much think of the movie 300 and go through the characters and those would be his choices.] Now perhaps for some of his taste that would be fine, in fact I do like the name Maddox which is close to his Maximus so he's been okay with that but I am more of a Jack, John, and Grey... kinda gal. I like old or classic, simple and what Sam would say plain or over used. Gavin was almost a stretch for me. Since we are so far on opposite sides, names that tend to lead us together are like Gavin, Logan, *Grey[son], *Jack[son], Griffin, Hayden, Aiden, and the like. So maybe now you can understand the minor dread that arises not having a name really settled on. He is much easier to agree with for girl names... just because he happens to love my top names, no other reason, they are still just a eccentric.

Last night as we were having our "us" time, I look at him and am like so should we pick a boy name? What if its a girl? And I have that look of dread upon my face like: we have bought all this girl stuff...decorated [although not finished] the nursery for a HER...and been preparing for a girl in every way and this could have been a total waste of resources if she becomes a he, or should I say was always or already is a he. [without picking a name] He just looks at me and is like well we will save it all for when we adopt. <--- Ladies and Gents, that right there is a man after my own heart. Talk about diffusing any tension or worry I had, all he had to mention was the word adoption and my heart melted. {and you thought this post was about picking out names} You see, and maybe most of you remember or already know, I have this heart for adoption. Having a baby that isn't my own but that is already my own brings warmth to places inside me that are only visible to the Most High. The thought of how He chose me and chooses us to be His brings tears to my eyes just typing it. The idea of choosing or being given a little one that was not my own but someone else's that they could not or would not have.... only makes my heart engulf with more pride that they are mine. Does that make sense? I don't know... I don't think adoption is for everyone, and quite honestly brings terror to my heart. I don't fully get the process, and I've heard all the horror stories of waiting for years and things falling through, would be be qualified, would we have enough money, would we be accepted, would we constantly be pulled into a game of tug-o-war with our hearts over this child we have yet to receive but have already given our hearts too? minor issues..... :P

Its just funny, how I thought I was worried about a name, I think I was more worried about missing my girl, but the thought of whether she comes in October or years from October... she's mine already its just a matter of when she's mine, consoles my heart. [and I'm not opposed to adopting a little boy but I've had so many vivid dreams of adopting and in my dreams it's always a girl... so I think that's another aspect to it]

I don't know tomorrow so I don't know if this is all just dust that will be blown in the wind and lost forever, but either way, I like my husband. I like that he 1. knows my heart and 2. shares my heart. I love that God made us for each other and since he's been home I have loved him more each day. That we are better together than apart and that we really do bring out the best in one another. I know for sure he is my better half. I think Gavin is so awesome because he's made from me+him and every day that baby grows bigger and stronger and I get to know her [or him] more just by how she [or he] reacts inside my belly I thank the Lord we are contributing yet another amazing miracle to this world and that He has bestowed on us the privilege. I think that there isn't a better combination than my husband and I together so how could are kids not be the coolest awesomest greatest things this Earth has ever seen ;)

[and that doesn't deter the fact that if we ever get the blessing of adoption that they would be either, because just because that baby may not have grown in my belly, will never take from the fact that they were mine from the beginning... they just got here a little different then my other kids]

So if its a boy... you might want to stay posted at the name we'll come up within within the walls of the hospital. Maybe I will pack a baby name book in my hospital bag just to be on the safe side.

the crazy farm.

2010-08-23T13:39:00.003-04:00

This pregnancy has pretty much been a breeze. Especially compared to Gavin. I mean I've got most classic scenarios of the "pregnancy syndrome"... swelling, nausea, heartburn, leg cramps, an outrageous sense of smell, and what have you. All these are minor things to overcome in the gist of life. Unfortunately, with the embark of the third trimester, and yet again a demotion of space for my poor stomach, nausea has decided to make a come back into my life. Still nothing compared to Gavin... or even what followed him. For the most part I have had almost a complete relief from sickness now for almost twelve weeks with an occasional episode every now and then, I just may have to face the fact that apparently I do not have an ironclad stomach, and just may be in fact a little more vulnerable with reacting to food and the like. However, due to the limited amount of space, a squirmy little girl, and heartburn that makes me consider running to ER, I've been getting sick about once every day at night time just as I settle down for bed. There are a lot worse things in life, but those of you who know me and know the struggle I've endured with this whole nausea plague, know the dread that arises in my heart when that grotesque sensation returns. So, I have to refocus my heart on the Lord and His promises for health and the fact that He broke the curse for me.

All that to say that with the exception of my nausea revisited [which isn't even abnormal, just annoying for me], this pregnancy has been completely normal and well very easy to expect, with the exception of these past couple weeks. I do not know what happened... if it was my hormones or Sam working more or the fact we had started potty training, but it was as if my mind got up out of my body and left me. I am a fairly level headed person, mostly do to an obscene amount of theophastics and healing in Christ. Where I have my kirks and particular ruts, I'm pretty laid back and easy going within the realms of my normalcy. I think I handle change pretty well and adjust to all sorts of transition. Now, I am no model star for anyone, I'm not THAT good... but overall I do this thing called life fairly well and enjoy it I'd say 98% of the time. These past couple weeks I have been a complete basket case. I was not expecting it and had no idea what was going on. I kept thinking wow is this what postpartum depression is like, because well if I was actually partum... I would have slapped a label on my forehead and shipped me off to the Doc. No Joke.

Both Sam and my dad [and even Sharon] could attest to the fact that I am surprisingly pretty decent about making choices over giving way to my emotions. Most the time my horrific emotional roller coasters when they've arose are much more of an internal battle than external. However, that doesn't make it any easier to handle, and unfortunately for Gavin I am pretty sure I haven't spared him the luxury of grace. Don't get me wrong, I was never to the point of dropping my kid off on the side of the road because I couldn't handle him any more, or decide to drown him in the bath tub. Thankfully I fully believe in the power of the Holy Spirit and don't hesitate to call out to Him. That doesn't make it any more scary though when I feel I have completely lost my marbles and that it really is only a matter of time before I lose control over these highly volatile emotions running rampant around my brain. It was surreal. Never have I second guessed my ability to parent, until last week. Never have I been scared to be alone with my child... that is an unfortunate confession. And definately not the mommy I want to be.

I am actually starting to feel much better, I think having Sam get a surprise day off and well the fact I've been praying like crazy over me and my son and calling Sam every spare minute I might lose my mind.... so I know he's probably been praying like crazy too. So here's hoping that it was short lived with just a week or so... and that I in fact do not get postpartum depression. Either way I will be happy to go to my doctors appointment this week, just to give him an update on all things crazy Shannon. Well and I don't think counseling will help just because it wasn't that kind of issue ... I wasn't hopeless or "depressed" in the sense of depression... more like highly volatile . . . at that rate I don't even think I would hesitate being put on medication, set aside from the miraculous power of the Holy Spirit being able to fully restore me back to normal.

I'm just thankful that I have the grace that is in my Lord, and that He helps me when I can't help myself. I praise Him that I can even recognize and ask for help. I also like that where if I was to go over the details of my day with my son I probably would be embarrassed confessing how often I raised my voice or at the decibel it rose to or the times I spanked his butt without waiting to recollect and calm myself but reacted out of anger and frustration... I am only humiliated for a second because I know the power of Jesus. That I'm human, and that my flaws only show His glory more. Not that that's the parent I want to be, I want to be the best I can be... but I am grateful that every wrong decision and choice I make He can make it right. I'm thankful I get to be healed by His blood and that goes for my children too.

So there you go. Confessions of a pregnant mommy of a two year old who shares her husband with the Army and lives 800+ miles from home. The reality of life, sometimes just isn't pretty. I'm glad I've got Heaven.

what we do for fun.

2010-07-28T18:50:00.006-04:00

Along with crazy high humidity, we also have torrential down pours. It does not just rain here, it POURS. With gusts of wind so intesne you are certain your car isin the middle of flipping over. Luckily, I have only had the experience of driving through their 10 minute rainfalls once or twice. From the comfort of my own pourch its actually pretty cool. Although, the thunder is much more intimidating than I ever recall thunder being... that being said my son is a braver soul. than I. He was pretty much unhindered by the looming threat of the heavens breaking through the Earth. He would run back and forth until it got too intense then he would return to the saftey of the awning, but within seconds return to the final frontier. I love this little dude. He's hilarious. Amonth the many things he has inheritated from his mother, he also got her love for the rain and dancing in it! He is so amazing. Just look at him.

confessions of a bad blogger.

2010-07-21T15:23:00.002-04:00

so i've been horrible with this whole blogging thing.

im too lazy to upload my pictures and my mind is mush anytime i'm not chasing my crazy child around the house, infact thats probably what makes it mush.

i feel horrible for my poor sweet charlotte. i had lots to say and upload about her brother taking over my body and for her i've taken like two belly pictures. so it begins... the subsequent children... the middle child syndrome. dear charlotte i love you lots please never base my love of you to the amount of effort i put into things like pictures and mementos... infact i've enjoyed you 150% more than you brother already for this pregnancy has been much much kinder. this is what i get for swearing i'd never do that to my second, third, and so forth children. [yes third and so forth we fluctuate between wanting three to five kids, so please stay tuned... although we will just seee how this one goes jumping from one to two]

this is where you would expect an apology and a promise to do better. however this is where i say, ya too bad. we'll see if ever in the near future i'll be able to blog again. :P

and with that my child has awoken from his slumber and is calling out to his madre to come rescue him.... don't worry i wont move too fast.

parenting 101

2010-07-13T09:28:00.002-04:00

okay for the record.

It is always harder to do the right things with your kids.

Discipline takes a lot of hard work, its much easier to just let things slide, however the ramifications of letting things slide seems to build up into a colossal mess, then again most times parents who let it continually slide are able to block out the mess completely.

I am not one of those parents.

Discipline is more than time outs or spankings [which I do both and are quite confident in my parenting style, I am however, am not without flaws... unfortunately I am probably 90% okay probably maybe even 99% composed of mess ups, but even in that I cling to the promise that my Lord more than makes up for every time my tongue slips or I react instead of just act or when I've spanked out of anger or completely ignored out of sheer frustration or every time, every moment in between here and eternity that I miss the mark with my son and future children. That's why I need him] Discipline is exhausting. Its consistency. Its having patience in the midst's lost losing all self control. Its having self control. Its being walking about of a restaurant in the middle of your meal [that you just paid good money for and have yet to enjoy... or the people surrounding you for that matter] to take your child outside for a breath of fresh air and new perspective on how we behave. Its finding time out spots in the middle of Barnes and Nobles and Walmarts and every place in between. Its being continually humbled as you correct your child with all eyes watching feeling insecure every step of the way, doubting even your strongest convictions all at the sake of what people may think. Its willing to be late for the sake of your child learning life's lessons. Its doing all this not because you enjoy it but because you know its actually for their good. That its for their safety. That is for their well being. That it is actually always harder on you to do it to them. Its remembering what it was like to be a kid and feel heartbreak and not understand why your parents do the things they do, when all you want to do is what you want to do, and then growing up to understand and appreciate all that hard effort, that at the time your limited capacity could barely comprehend, yet was vital to your survival and thriving in this world. Parenting is wildly exhausting.

I also believe totally disillusionment or pure deception is never good for you or your child but there is always a benefit to being mildly biased when it comes to your own. I used to think pure honestly was more desirable. Seeing your kids for who they are pros and cons and being remarkably and utterly honest ... facing cold hard reality. I have come to know and appreciate that I have full capability to truly believe that my son is the most handsome boy in the world. That he is practically a genius. And that he has one of the most beautiful hearts I have yet to encounter. The odds of all of these actually being 100% correct are not in my favor but that doesn't deter me from swelling with pride as I watch his smile light up a room, figure out how all contraptions work or do whole puzzles at 18months, or graciously and willing share his toys with all his friends. He is my shining star and he will always be, yet I don't neglect when he does something wrong or pretend to not know when he is being ornery or when his screams reach such a decibel you think you may have to go get hearing aids because his voice becomes super sonic. There is a medium, and its not as hard as I thought it would be to maintain.

All of that to say. Toddlers. Phew. My toddler. Often I feel defeated. I am not one of those lax parents that sit idly by, in fact unfortunately I probably error more on the side of disciplinarian dictator. Although I try my absolute hardest to bring it down lots. I have rules, expectations, and boundaries for my son. He is a very smart boy. He understands more than I even realize, I know he does, because he is continually surprising me. I always thought I'd have this down. I thought the things that would be no problem would in fact be no problem. That being said, my son who went without his pacifier for several weeks now sleeps with it every night and during naps still with no end in sight [yes it is ONLY during naps, it is not allowed to leave the bed] my son who so easily adjusted to sleeping on his own mattress for about a month has regressed to only wanting no only being able to relax within the confinements of cribs/playards and as far as my hopes to be soon on our way to potty training seem to diminish more and more each day even though recent events make me want it more and more than ever before [pooping in the bath tub, which he NEVER even did as a baby, and taking his diaper off during nap and pooping on the floor...] I stand in awe of how often I surrender, for his sake and my own.

I fully admit each kid is different and for anyone to assume that the same rules apply to every child and parent out their they are mistaking wrong. I often think that of people who make quite assumptions statements about pacifiers... who's children never cared to suck. They never needed it so it was quite easy. As I have said before I'm not a slacker parent. I've tried the tricks. I've stuck with it for weeks at a time as the poor resolve for myself and my son. All in all I continually come back to each kid is different each situation is different. Where the big rules apply to all the smaller ones seem a little more controversial within the realms of acceptability.

As a result this is my stance for today. My son with be two on Friday. Yes he will get a pacifier for naps and bed until he seems to be okay without it, I can't believe he's ready to disregard it if it seems to disrupt him so much. Yes, I am putting my crib back together for him, for apparently he isn't ready to handle a bed without walls. I don't want to be one of those parents that forces their kids to grow up too soon. Nor do I want to be one of those parents who enables their kids past the point of learning how to grow up. So for now I wait. And trust the Lord to work it out. Until then I just do the best with what I have to work with.

And with everything in life, often I never felt very skilled or talented in much areas of my life. I was never a singer. My artistic ability is mediocre. Sports weren't my forte. Music wasn't really my thing. All the while I feel some of my truest talents my greatest assets have been and are that I am a great organizer, pretty fantastic cook and baker, a meticulous cleaner, a pretty darn good wife, but of all things I believe and feel that I am a great parent. Never have I doubted my natural ability to love and raise a child and even now when my children turn my life upside down and yes even in the midst of feeling defeated by my toddler I still feel and know I am a great mother. I think that in the midst of chaos that I adjust and grow only shows my ability to learn and grow with my child, and I don't know if there is much more than that. Every day I thank you Lord for giving me the privilege to raise one of Yours and that You equipped me well for this task and that You are continually added to my gear.

With that today I'm raising the white flag. I think I'll take a nap too while I'm at it.

its a conspiracy.

2010-07-01T08:29:00.006-04:00

well that was super awesome i wrote a whole blog and it got deleted. so im out of words, i used them up and they got deleted so here's some pictures of us at the beach.

long story short. we have nice beaches. home has nice people. i'll take the people over the beaches any day.

drumroll please.

2010-06-05T08:46:00.003-04:00

[18wks 6days]

IT'S A GIRL. Finally in a long line of boys, Lilly will get a girl cousin! That will make us 2 girls to 4 boys, hey maybe we are going to even out after all, I'm going to stay optimistic. Here's hoping my little girl won't be the last in the long line of Chaput offspring! So that makes us an even four, it won't just be me and the boys anymore. :D Can't wait to meet her in October (or November, whatever)

Hello Blog World

2010-05-29T19:49:00.010-04:00

It's been awhile. Yes in deed. So here's what you've missed.

Let's see.

We've moved over 14 hours away. Yes, friends that puts us back in the lovely Southeast. We are more or less settled. We had minor drama upon move in, but Jesus is faithful as always and we were more than ready to have our 8 house guests come visit from Indiana, and welcome daddy home by 12am the next day. :D So, we moved, we had drama, we got it worked out, cleaned so much my skin started to shluf off, hung out with some good old friends, and hung out with some new friends, got a pool, had a poster party, kate's having a boy!, family came for a visit, we celebrated five years of marriage, Sam turned 25, Sam came home, we all got pink eye, my dad moved out, i am officially five month pregnant, we've managed to grow some grass, Luke has gained 1 pound!, we hit the outlet malls and spent all our money ;) We've ate, we've laughed, we've slept, we've cried,all in all its been one of the most hectic busy emotional seasons of my life.

I am exhausted on so many different levels, I think me and the peanut (baby grow inside me) are just wiped out. Most days I'm practically falling asleep by 7:30. And now we are just trying to catch our ground in our "new normal" life. I miss my family and friends back home terribly, but miss my dad even more. It's weird being here, and home without him, since he has been such a big part of my home for the past 7 months. But on the otherhand, my husband is phenomenal. I love him so much. When that plane rolled up my dad looked at me and was just like honey, your done. I am. We've done our time. We have sacrificed and served our country well on both fronts. We walked out victorious in all areas. Our marriage, our finances, our friendships and relationships, our lives, and everything in between. After five years of marriage and being apart 2 of those years, I feel that's enough for us.

I'm excited for the next chapter. Where it may not begin for another two years, we are making steps already in a new direction. I am excited for us. I am excited for our children. I am excited for our family. I am anxious to see how the Lord provides. He is so mighty. He is so faithful. He is absolutely every reason why my heart never skips a beat of praise for His name. He is so good and too good to us. It's nice to be a family (in the same room) again. Here are some pictures from the momentous occasion that we waited for all year.

Thanks to my uber talented sister kate podjan of kate podjan photography! if you want to see more go here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=431676&id=517405290&ref=nf

If are looking at these and find yourself jealous at how awesome Kate is remember you can hire her... go here http://katepodjanphotography.com/

i am going to change the world.

2010-04-19T19:24:00.005-04:00

It's amazing how much healing does for a person. Today we were sitting around, and jokingly in reference to something I was like I always feel like the favorite. Now, after I said that I was like that sounded awful... arrogant and self centered. That wasn't the sentiment behind it at all. Coming from me and my past I was the girl who found all my security in those around me. People, family, friends, roles, achievements. I needed people to approve of me. I desperately wanted people to like me, because that made me feel worthy of being liked. Yet, in my relationships an underlying tone was always that they didn't really like me or they didn't really know me, so how could they ever possibly really like me. I suffered from deep issues of abandonment and rejection, so in every situation its like even if I knew better I felt like people would change their mind. They'd leave. They wouldn't really want to be involved with me, and so I thought I didn't care or ultimately I didn't need them. I can be on my own. I've done it before, I'll do it again. Now, this isn't a pity party, I'm not like woe to Shannon she had all these issues and hurts and was so crippled and injured. If anything I get slightly embarrassed seeing what I see now, now at the time I couldn't have helped it. But this is the victory in Jesus that I have.

When I said at that moment that I always feel like the favorite, its because I know that I am the Lord's favorite. See my need for people's approval [where it does still sneak in there on occasion] is secondary. My worth is not found in humans or in my accomplishments. In fact now, its like I don't care if people like me or not. And honestly feel like, well why wouldn't they like me, Jesus says I'm pretty cool He likes and has said people do like me, so why wouldn't they like me. Its not that I don't want people to like me, because I love relationships, but I definitely don't need it. I'm not dependant upon approval or acceptance of others. I am firmly founded in the fact that I am accepted by the Creator of this universe, and after that everything else seems so futile. Even with my husband, I now find that all my desires [ideally, this doesn't happen 100% of the time] are met in Jesus, and everything from my darling husband is just an overflow. What a relief for my husband [and friends for that matter] that they are free to be themselves and give me what they can without a demand on my part. What a freedom that is for me, to not walk around feeling neglected or forgotten because I feel so adored by the Almighty that everyone else is just a bonus or after thought, and even then I find more and more often I don't even see or quickly forget the times in which my feelings are hurt, because I run to the one who truly fixes them from the inside out. That people don't have power over me, just God. Wow.

I think about all those years I lived and breathed and walked this earth not knowing my worth. Not feeling worthy of having worth. Placing the burden of my own security and identity on those around me that could never fill that void in my heart. What a desperate life that was, my heart breaks for myself that I felt that way. My heart breaks for the world who lives life that way. Knowing what I know now, seeking refuge in the One who created me and destined me for glory, I walk away amazed and fulfilled in ways I never thought possible, and no way a human being could ever live up to.

I mean, can you imagine living life believing, knowing, that at all times you were the favorite. That you are the best. Not in the I am better than you kind of way, but in the you have a place and a purpose kind of way. Its unique just for you. No one else can fill that. No one else can take that. Its yours and only yours. That you are accepted, approved, and adored at all times. That's powerful to me.

We sing this song at church [shout out to Jake Hamilton "The Anthem" and the worship teams at Open Door Christian Fellowship] my favorite part of the song is at the end and it goes like this, "I am royalty, I have destiny, I have been set free, I'm gonna shape history........" and it ends with a simple echoed statement "I'm gonna change the world!"

Remember when you were five and you believed that statement with all the hope and ambition of your little childlike heart and all the passion it could contain. You may have just been small, but you felt bigger than the world. You knew you were going to change the world, why wouldn't you. Then as we grow and we are exposed to the world, the world makes us feel a little more smaller and smaller and takes away our hopes and dreams a little by little, until all those hopes and dreams of our youth kind of dissipate into the background. We may have an effect on the world, but never will we be heroes or history makers or really anyone that starts that spark of change, and maybe not even be people of remembrance.

You know when I sing that song or even think of that song, my spirit cries out, yes Lord! thank you! I will change this world! Its apart of every aspect of me. Never do I doubt that I won't change the world. I may not be able to tell you how I will, but I know I am. You know what kind of authority and confidence and security that brings to my life. That I walk in the power of the Holy Spirit and we [me and Him] are changing this world one step at a time. I don't know, but it just makes me feel powerful and worthy to Him, that He would does and will use me in that way.

I think of how much He has done already and how much more He has to do in my life and I am remarkably humbled. Humbled by my sin and fleshy nature and the fact He still chooses me and works in and through me despite my short comings. What an honor. What a privilege.

And this is for all of us. Not just for me. Its for each of us. It's just a choice away. Amazing.
talk about a change of perspective. ;)

its all about perspective...

2010-04-16T17:16:00.005-04:00

You know I think it's so crazy how viewpoints can vary so drastically. Its just insane. Think about this... today one of my best friends had her baby girl. She weighed in at a beautiful 8lbs 12oz. Which is a good size baby, but I am sure to Mo she's a teenie tiny peanut. Why? Because her brother arrive at a very well proportioned 10lbs 9oz (I think, I may be off an ounce or two). Where my Gavin was only 7lbs 3oz, 8+lbs is not huge but I don't think I'd be like she's so tiny. You know.

A lot effects our perceptions. I think about mine a lot. Its amazing when we have hurts especially with people how we then view our relationship and interactions with them. Feeling attacked even though often we're the ones attacking. Well okay this is at least from my experience *yikes* which many of my family members could attest too... unfortunately.

This whole year so far, I mean its only April after all, the Lord has been opening my eyes to how individuals see the same situation on totally different sides of the fence, and how I see things differently from the Lord. My biggest revelation this year, was when I was struggling to see the Lord's faithfulness with favor as it seemed I got hit one after the other. Then the Lord so politely re corrected my vision. Showing me that indeed they were tough circumstances, a couple ER trips, car crash, and losing my phone, but He opened my eyes to see how it could have gone, and although I felt despaired at the time, His provision was well beyond favorable. Providing my dad, and phones, and friends, and family to get me through and support me along the way. Talk about humbling.

You know often when people learn of my background their usually astonished. What Shannon? You really were a crack baby? Your parents went to jail several times? You've moved a grand total of 23 times almost as much as how old you are. Etc. Etc. Etc. Which is funny to me. Because I automatically know who I am and all I've been through and forget most of you, know nothing of the sort. It's also ironic talking to people who view their lives growing up as impoverished due to certain factors that I would deem silly, but you can't tell someone how to feel. To them those small details made them feel poor, I guess. You know I don't wear my past on my sleeve. I don't need to. I know it helped shape me into the person I am and I am glad about that. Where every circumstance may not have been my most shinning moment, I am thankful everything happened the way it did. I am glad I was homeless, it helps me appreciate my home. I am thankful I was [what felt like] abandoned because I now know what it feels to be accepted. I don't carry that past around with me over my head. I keep it in its place, behind me. Apart of me, but in the past. Who we were yesterday has no power over who we are today. I often remind myself of that. It makes moving on a whole lot easier. I think of the times when I've been embarrassed about my relationships or things I've done, and remind myself its over. I can change it today. I can press forward and choose to move on. I don't have to accept that as my present or my future. To me that's pretty neat.

All that to say. I think often [definitely not always] the Lord has blessed me with giving me His perspective, probably because I ask. I think about how I am getting ready to move back to North Carolina to be reunited with my husband and some good friends and how exciting that is. At the same time, I am overcome by sorrow, because of the life I leave behind. My family and friends. My church. My home. What a blessing I live, that I am actually torn between the two. That although I've sacrificed a year away from my husband I still feel honor, blessed, and favored. Not only by my Lord but by my loved ones. That to me is pretty awesome. That a year I could have seen as wasted or lost, has been a blessing in disguise. A time I could have lamented, I rejoiced, thanking the Lord with every step of the way, and not through gritted teeth. I think sometimes we say it because it should be true, but not because our hearts feel its true, and that is just honest. I don't think everyone would see deployment that way. But I've learned that that is what in deed it is. For what I've lost with my husband, I've made up with friends. Even then, if it's anything like last time, it was like deployment gave our marriage five extra years, I am expecting the same out come. If that isn't a God perspective I don't know what is. I don't know that if in my own strength I could look at a year without my husband and celebrate with tears of gladness that he wasn't here. But Jesus makes it so. I sure do love Him. He's pretty neat.

And again I'll say it. I am certain, I have the greatest family and best friends ever. So much so, I don't know if I could believe anyone who thought they had better. Now that's a feat. :)

the grass is always greener on the otherside, or well in my case...
my grass is always greener than your side. ha!

here fishy fishy fishy

2010-04-14T08:09:00.007-04:00

Earlier this year we made it out to Chicago to see Gavin's uncles. It was a lot of fun. We relaxed and just enjoyed Chicago. One of the days we went to the Shedd Aquarium. Gavin LOVED it. He likes the fish. It was fun actually seeing him enjoy himself and notice things. He's at that fun age now. By far his favorite was the dolphins. He loved those dolphins. As we were sitting and waiting for the show to begin and was so excited he just kept clapping and yelling "yay!!! yay!!!" We definately had everyone's attention. Good thing he's so cute, they didn't seem to mind.

2 1/2 years later....

2010-03-31T17:59:00.005-04:00

today is beautiful. i love it.

this morning as per usual my old/new routine I hit the gym for round two. It was great. I finally figured out how to get my [new :D] blackberry to play the radio and found a Christian station. I was rocking. After almost a year without tunes [since my ipod took a poop], when I've gone to the gym, I've had to resort to watching the news. Boy! is news depressing. That combined with the sheer fact my gym is pretty much bare bones [it consists of three tvs, all of which are on different channels, and all of which are NOT muted... so its this jumble of noise, and if you go early enough, you get the heavy weight lifters jamming out to their heavy metal tunes....lovely.] has left my workouts a little less enjoyable.

So, I slap in the head phones and get to work. It's been amazing how since I've started to really sensor what is inputted into my head/heart how easily I can be swayed, both positively and negatively. I seriously cringe at the sight of women in their "undergarments" [ie the new Victoria Secret commercials *puke*] and at the sight of blood I almost up chuck my last meal. Its been a lot to handle, but I've been thankful for my new found sensitivity. It feels good to feel. On the positive note, I've also been crying every five seconds listening to worship music or the latest focus on the family radio broadcast. Again, it feels good to feel. I like that I am so moved by the Lord it overwhelms my soul with emotion, even at the cost of my humility.

All this to say.... I'm running getting good speed [for not being at the gym for the past couple months] and listening to good solid Christian tunes, and I'm crying. Tears of joy. For the first time in probably over two and a half years I feel healthy. I am thankful to be alive. Thankful my body can handle and enjoy exercise. [Thankful that this time around, my body is doing a good job of growing a strong and healthy baby, fully nurished, fully supplied with everything baby needs, and not neglecting itself either] Thankful that I am done throwing up! I don't know if I could express the emotion I felt in that moment this morning or what I have been feeling these past two and a half days. For what has plagued me for over 36 months, I believe is nothing more than a vapor in the wind. To have my health back. To feel fully alive. I don't know if I could express that in words. Holy Spirit knew though. We had a good run.

What also blessed me was knowing that even though my unsuspecting fellow gym comrades may or may not know Jesus, He walked in the door with me today... and HE was more than present in that room while I sweat and cried my butt off. I felt Him distinctly show me, that they got more than a little of Him just because I invited Him in.

also to top the day off, other success and accomplishments...
Gavin did a puzzle start to finish on his own... don't worry I recorded it, I'll try to post my genius son at work.
We walked from my house to the Granger (new) Martin's which was a nice walk and well quite the adventure crossing 23....

it was a full day. but a great day.

washed over...

2010-03-28T19:04:00.007-04:00

This morning was beautiful. As the rain dripped down on the roof of my car on the way to church this morning and the smell of life crept in through the windows and doors, I couldn't help but feel in awe of our Creator. How magnificent is He? How beautiful He is. As I pulled in the driveway to Church I lost it, sobbing. People probably thought something was majorly wrong... but the only thing it was was that Holy Spirit touched my heart. What a touch it was. Lately [and it seems to come on full force on Sundays] I have been more than stirred, and anyone within a five foot radius of me I am sure can tell. I've been overwhelmed at the work the Lord has begun in my heart. Most of this stirring has been at the cost of what has "irritated" (for lack of better words... more like confused or caused me to pause) about the Twilight series. But what the Lord so opened my eyes to this morning, is it isn't Twilight, but what it stands for. In my eyes it stands for so much more. So much more in my life, in my families life.

And let me explain when I say family, I mean my "family," my brothers and sisters in Christ. Months ago the Lord really gave me a heart for believers in general and grouped them seriously into the category of my family. If you know me well, and at least I hope its evident to all around me, I JEALOUSLY and FIERCELY love my family. Next to Jesus hands down they are the next in line. I LOVE THEM. So much its like sometimes I want to explode. ha. There are no people I enjoy more. There are no people I would choose to live my life with more. They are the best and I am so blessed often I feel bad for everyone else because clearly I feel I hit the jackpot, and in my eyes no one could be better. Especially for me. Now that was with a mere lets see... Podjans (5) Burkeys (3, unless you count their dogs, then 5) Chaputs (3) Parents (3) My brothers (2) and then our family of Sam, Gavin, Cody, and me. So what like give or take 25. I have some close friends I throw in there, too. Now imagine, the Lord giving me that love I have for those 25 but for the "Body" especially my home body of believers or friends in Christ. We are in the hundreds probably thousands... and I am not quite sure what to do with this feeling. Never have I felt more connected to my brother Paul when he writes to the churches and calls them beloved. Never has that word had more impact on my heart for complete strangers.

As I was driving through the rain I took a moment to remember that it was Psalm Sunday. That means 2,000 *and some years ago my precious Jesus returned Home, to His rightful kingdom. Riding on a donkey being a carpenter's son, but don't let that fool you He had more Glory than any man that has walked this earth. He was the King we waited for. The King we pleaded with the Lord to bring to save us. He was our Messiah. Our Prince. The Almighty. Even though humbly dressed and presented He was welcomed like royalty. They worshiped Him, adored Him, bowed down to Him, as He walked through the gates. Crying Hosanna Hosanna... Our King has come. But within weeks time... they, I, changed my mind. We rejected and despised Him, we forgot our pleas we forgot our praise. We traded Him in and turned Him over to die. Its true it was my sin that held Him there but it was always His choice. Before the foundation of the world He knew, He would come home to His people, the people He loved so much, and they would not receive Him and they would punish Him for their ignorance. He choose that cross because He knew it was the only way. He choose that cross for my sin and for my rejection of Him, because He knew through His death I would find life. And His death would be the greatest death in all the world, because it was only the beginning.

As that overwhelmed my soul, it was then I realized what was at the core at which I've been stirred. Its not just a book or a movie... its the thought process. Its the Easter Bunny and Santa. Saints that people pray to. Its how we treat or don't treat our bodies, the Temple of God. Its embracing culture and not standing up for what's right or what's rightfully ours. It's believing the lies of the enemy instead of holding onto our Godly beliefs. Its living one foot in the Kingdom and one foot in the world. Its the compromise we live daily... I live daily... giving up the inheritance He won for me for my own selfish soulish desires to delight and entertain things of this world that hold no place in His Kingdom. Its not wanting to sacrifice gratification for sanctification. I am sorry those who do, but I will not share my Lord's resurrection with a Bunny that holds no honor in His sacrifice or reign. I will not share my Lord's birth with a perverse representation of a real man who desperately loved the Lord and had a heart for his people, but we use to tell our children white lies to encourage magic and fantasy or fun? Is Jesus not enough. I think He's pretty magical myself and trust He'll be enough for my children. I trust that with Jesus we can have just as much fun. I do not desire to share my Lord's day with anyone but Him, He deserves that whole day to Himself. I do not need to pray to Saints or need to be pardoned by man, because I have a direct access to the King of Kings. I believe Jesus is enough.

Its never been about how we have to live our lives, we don't have to do anything. In fact we can know the Lord and not change and delight ourselves in all faucets of the world and never change, we are still His, but at what cost? We can live and breath our culture and accept what it determines as right and wrong or acceptable or good. Its more about what we should want to do. We should want to live so closely to Him, we want all things out that aren't of Him, because we want more of Him. We live so satisfied with our 15 min devotionals and weekly attendance at church, and settle for mediocrity. But I feel like there is so much more. And there is so much more He wants to pour into us, but how can we be filled with Him, if were filled with crap. I am called to a higher standard of living because I want to be. Because I want Him to transform every aspect of my life. I want Him and nothing else. I know the time is coming and which has already begun, that its going to get harder and harder to be a Christian. We will be the minority. Will it be worth the persecution and sacrifice for His namesake [or do you (do I?) live a life worth persecution!]. Will we jeopardize our reputation or family for the Glory of the King. Or will we sit passively by conforming to those around us who oppose your King... not really doing anything, just getting by, becoming complacent and content with just the tip of the ice burg. He has so much more under the water.

so much much more.

time out.

2010-03-23T17:37:00.004-04:00

alright. let's take a moment here and just look at this kid. its not secret that i think he's amazing. lately i've become overly vocal [and possibly boisterous] about how awesome of a little boy he is. i mean he is. he's practically a genius and he could be a model with his angelically good looks. sometimes i want to eat him up. i don't though, well not really. i may squeeze him too hard sometimes. i love him. he breathes live in the mundane. this world is a better place because Jesus brought him in.

42...

2010-03-19T11:34:00.003-04:00

So within the next fourty two days I have to find a house to rent. Pack up my whole house into boxes. Gather all my crap from Ann's house and my dad's storage and there are probably a few things at mom and dad's yet. Find and load a moving truck and then drive across 5 states with a toddler and a golden retriever. :'(

im overwhelmed.

first time in my life, i am actually considering asking sam if he minds if i find a house up here and wait for him. its only another year and a half. yuck.

i want to sell all my belongings. i wish there was a magic fairy that you could be like poof everything is done and in order.

i wish i didn't care about things being organized, because half my anxiety is just from the fact that things aren't going to be packed up like the way i want.

Jesus I trust you. I have to.

work it out.

show off.

2010-03-13T16:42:00.003-04:00

Since I've been sanitizing my home which mainly consists of getting rid of various forms of entertainment I feel don't really honor Jesus, today Sam ups the ante. He was just like, well, why don't we just get rid of the TV. Did your mouth hit the floor? Mine did. I love my husband. He is so perfect for me. Jesus knew what He was doing when He put us together. Anytime I have any type of conviction or start to get all passionate [and insecure, because its just one more step closer to society packing me up and sending me off to the crazy farm] about the next level the Lord is calling me to, my husbands flies in and trumps me, making my "huge" ordeal look minuscule and well quite ridiculous. [he also last week decided our children are not allowed to play video games, because he doesn't want them to become gamers... maybe I should have seen this coming]

So, I'm thinking about it.

If anyone wants a huge tube TV.... let me know.

oh and like 100 DVDs.

we might just become one of "those" people.

watch out.

In a whole other direction. My toddler is totally beating me. As he refuses to nap and sleep because now he is in his big boy bed, and that means instead of sleep he plays. And by playing I also mean figuring out how to get around all my baby proof measures I have disguised around his room so he couldn't get into the diapers, toys, medicines, changing pads, clothes, blankets, toys, books, and etc. I feel totally defeated. Between this pregnancy [I pretty much at all times feel like I am dry heaving on the inside... and then sometimes do on the outside] and my sleep and food deprived child [he's also gone on a hunger strike], I am officially at my wits end. Stick a fork in me. I'm done. I don't even think I am going to try anymore, I'm okay with just crying. I figure it's probably also the added hormones [and the fact my husband has been gone now 10 months and I have to still move and find a home back in NC in the next two], so I'm gonna allow myself some measure of grace, curl up and watch as much TV as I can before Sam comes home and gets rid of it. :)

I like the Duggars. I don't want 19 kids, but I like what they do with their 19 kids.

I want to be a little bit more like the Duggars.

Another TV show I'd desperately miss. :/

unexpectedly productive.

2010-03-09T16:43:00.005-04:00

Well today is Tuesday, which usually means Bumma day, which now that I am happily pregnant has been the hope and delight of my week, which I have been planning around a whole day of sleep. Unfortunately, each week so far has not happened [thats to renovation projects and Gavin not feeling so hot] which has left me with quite the clean house today. Since, sleeping was out the window, I decided to be productive. So me and my helper Gavin cleaned at least half my house. So I am feeling good. I also rearranged Gavin's room. These pictures of not of the new arrangement, but they are of my little baby boy's new big boy bed. Did you shed a tear? I did. Which is partially why I rearranged his room. During "nap" times now, he sneaks [okay its not really a sneak because let's face it I'm not in there and he's one, so he does what a one year old does: cause trouble] out of bed and tries to find things to do instead of sleeping. We're working on the whole new nap time routine. But as of late he continually goes and unplugs the monitor and well tries to replug it in and electrocutes himself. So I found a new hidden spot for it that he can no longer get to. You would probably think that I am now going to show a pic of his new room... but your wrong. You just get the story instead. IF you really want to see it you can come over and look for yourself, and while your at it bring me Subway. 5 dollar foot longs are back, and I'm pregnant, so that only means one thing. A whole twelve inches of sweet onion chicken terriyaki heaven. I'm pretty sure Subway did it on purpose just for me... or maybe it was Jesus.

I think its time for a remodel.

2010-03-05T10:41:00.005-04:00

The other night the Lord started what is going to be a long and hard process for my heart and my household. He spoke Truth in the only way He does... in BIG AND MIGHTY ways... and in a voice that cannot be neglected and in a way the motivates me to change through love and hope for what He has in store for me.

Scence: Matthew 21:12
And Jesus went into the temple and drove out all who bought and sold in the sacred place, He turned over the four-footed tables of money changers and the chairs of those who sold doves. He said to them, The Scripture says, "My house shall be called a house of prayer; but you have made it a den of robbers."

1 Corinthians 6:19
Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you. Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God. You are not your own.

The other day I was watching one of my old school favorite shows [Friends]. And the Lord so interrupted me to bring me His broadcast for the day. And this is what He said.

*side note* the tone here is not in His usually tender loving friendly voice, but rather His get it together voice. Please referance Jesus in the Temple verse. He was not please with those people. IN FACT I am pretty sure He was quite ferocious. It's one of the main scriptures that when I think of Jesus I think of a Lion. Big. Bold. and slighty Dangerous. :) Don't mess with Him... He's for real

Since you are in Me and I in you... Doesn't Holy Spirit live within the confines of you physical body? And if He dwells within your heart does that not make you my living breathing walking Temple. The Temple in which I dwell. My most Holy place (the very sanctuary) If I have given you senses [sight, smell, touch, taste, hearing] then isn't whatever you do with those senses coming into my Holy place. So when you look upon things unholy, when you speak words that are not honoring, and when you hear things that are an offense to me... You DEFILE my sanctuary, and my desecrate my Temple.

He also kindly reminded me of when Jesus declared if if your eyes cause you to sin it is better to gouge out your eye then to remain sinning.

I am not calling everyone to become masochists. But I am saying it's pretty serious stuff. Sometimes stuff I'm not willing or ready to do. I think I've bitten off more than I can chew. But. I want to be radical. If that results in me being shunned or mocked for His glory, than that would be more than a compliment to my life. Often I ask myself does this Glorify His name. Its about time I start taking that more seriously [in fact I think we all could]. Call me a fanatic. Call me a freak. But my Lord deserves all honor and glory... and as long as I put in things that are offensive to His Kingdom, into myself, or delight in them, the less I have room for His Kingdom to grow in my heart or to actually delight in Him. Because what I also didn't included is that last line in Matthew 21... here is verse 14 "and the blind and lame came into Him in the porches and courts of the temple, and He cured them."

That spoke to me on more than one level. There wasn't room for the lame and the blind with all the people taking up space desecrating His Holy place, and once they were gone, there was room for God to move [and guess what He made that room::He over threw tables!] My life is going to change, and I may not like the sacrifice that comes with it, but as always Lord. I choose you. Never have I made a choice for you that I've regretted.

First task of conviction:: getting rid of my movies and television shows that don't Glorify His Kingdom. Theory::If I have to second guess it because I don't want to get rid of it, it should have no place in my home.

this is serious stuff.

but i'm ready Lord.

you tell me...

2010-03-03T19:49:00.008-04:00

Day and Night. Is it just me or do I double in size?

And let's recap. Okay with Gavin and now this one... I started at almost the exact same weight (I am currently up .4lbs from when I was preg with Gav) This is what I looked like at five weeks pregnant... and then the next pic is me at 12weeks pregnant... is it just me or do I still look even bigger than my previous pregnancy 12wk shot.

What can I say. I'm impressive. I must be good at growing baby number two.

Frank Llyod Wright?!?

2010-03-02T18:17:00.003-04:00

Hello? Okay! Bye!

2010-03-02T18:10:00.003-04:00

it's been a full day.

2010-03-02T16:17:00.006-04:00

Things my son has done today::

Got 6 shots at the health department.
Cried for 60 seconds.
Practiced following mommy all around Barnes and Noble after we "walked" the mall.
Took a three hour nap.
Decided he does not like sitting in a high chair or booster seat, he prefers to sit in a chair with no assistance [at Barnes he walked right up to the little tables, climbed on to the chair, and put his cup and snack on the table. then sat and ate and drank it all... at home when getting out lunch, he walks out of his way to a regular chair and climbs up... he now doesn't climb out of a regular chair, but does and will climb (or try to climb) out of the booster and/or high chair]
Ate pizza till it covered him head to toe, which resulted in a new change of clothes.
Locked himself in the (dark) bathroom with a flash light. [unbeknownced to mommy]
Answered mommy's phone.
Became an Architect [yes, he's advanced, he's probably a genius, he built a tower all by himself out of Lego's, he also put together a puzzle on Sunday]
Was Artistic [Sat at the table and drew a picture on a piece of paper with a pencil, then decided to draw all over the house, with that pencil.]
Did Laundry. [Got Grandpa's (clean) sweat pants out of his room and put them in the washer.]
Got electrocuted. [by plugging in the vaporizer back into the electrical outlet.]

It's only 3.
It's been a busy day.

have i said how much I. LOVE. THIS. KID.

the next one is going to be great.

Mommy hearts Gavin

two peas...

2010-03-01T19:56:00.003-04:00

in a pod. seriously.

and, yes my husbands hair was crazy long, and yes i loved every moment of it.

[until the stupid hair lady at the mall cut it all off]

i need my husband to have a job where he is allowed to hair hair.

[the mohawk needs to come back.]

united. and it felt so good. ;)

2010-02-27T16:03:00.014-04:00

and while we watied... we called daddy.

we were also patriotic.

This day was so wonderful. And you know the most amazing thing about it was that Sam probably was the second best part of it. Which may seem odd. When Sam left Gavin was only 10 months old. For me hands down, the best moment ever was when my 18 month year old son remembered his daddy. Lots of people would say wow, that's lucky... unenthusiused. However, I know... that it was a miracle. It was that the Lord heard my cry, and answered it. I can tell you right now, that it was only by the grace of our God, that Gavin looked up and reached out to his daddy, smiling and overwhelmed with emotion... that he didn't know what to do with himself. That he called out daddy with minutes of seeing Sam after 8 months. That first day, he would walk up to Sam and give him a kiss and turn around to find me and walk up to me and give me a kiss. He knew. He absolutely knew. He celebrated his first birthday without him, took his first steps, he started to walk and talk, and has grown from a baby to a full blown toddler. And after almost a lifetime [for him, seeing he was only 10 mo old and then Sam was gone for 8], he never hesitated and immediate recongnized and welcomed his daddy with open arms. I love that I can have and do have confidence in my Lord. I love that for the past 8 mo when people asked if I thought he would remember who Sam was I could say I'm sure he will, because I have prayed he would. Because honestly, those who think, it must have been me doing a good job showing him photos or videos... it wasn't. In fact I'm horrible at it. If anything Bumma contributed more than me, probably. I love that our Lord is faithful. I love that even though a year apart physically, He connects us through the distance. He grows us together in Him. That what almost would seem to be time lost for us, He amply blesses us above and beyond. He is so good.

Cody was ecstatic too... He would not leave Sam alone. Which isn't surprising considering Cody was the most depressed after Sam left [and I'm not kidding]. It's funny how much Cody means to us. Although when we adopted him four years ago, we made that decision as an addition to our family. He may have moved down a spot with the addition of children, but he is a very real and important part of our family. Sam was happy to see Cody, too. And Cody refused to leave Sam's side for a couple days. :)

i've been cooking...

2010-02-24T18:21:00.008-04:00

keep going....

if the front isn't clear, here look at the back.... in case you can't read that....

and in case you still don't get it...

There we have it! I went to the Doc today. It's official. Sam had to leave but he left me with the greatest gift ever. God is good. He hears me when I call and He answers everyone of my prayers.

I've got a bun in the oven.

feels good...

2010-02-13T16:26:00.001-04:00

feeling a little more completed.

2010-02-05T15:48:00.001-04:00

One more day...

I can already tell now, its going to be hard to say goodbye again.

ps. how hot is my husband?!?!?! seriously.

sippy cup epidemic... ?

2010-02-01T16:23:00.002-04:00

WHAT?!?!
okay my dad is probably the biggest weirdo/nerd I know. seriously. you thought i was strange, you should meet my father.

scene: I am on facebook messing around, my dad is in the kitchen (behind me) unloading the dishwasher...putting or trying to put the dishes away.

Shannon: typing. typing. typing.
Patrick: mumble. mumble. complaining that I am not listening to him.

All of a sudden I start to hear him frantically complaining something about Gavin's sippy cups... missing or parts missing or where they'd go or how'd they disappear. My dad likes to use my reference to having rage when he's upset, so I hear him starting to get louder...

Patrick: This is giving me rage. These cups are giving me rage.
Shannon: What?
Patrick: You know you remind me a whole lot of someone.....
Shannon: Yeah okay, I couldn't tell if you were talking to yourself, me, or the dishwasher.
Patrick: Where did these lids go???
Shannon: I don't know, when I put them in there they were a set. Did you check the bottom of the dishwasher?
*sidenote*my kitchen is in shambles as his methodology of putting things away, looks more like an atomic bomb went off...
Patrick: YES clambering around lifting/throwing towels, rags, dishes, cups... all around awestruck and amazed at where the sippy cup lids and stoppers have gone.
Shannon: Did you check in the sink or on the ground?
Patrick: Yes, I am telling you they're gone, the brand new one's lid is gone! Where. Could. It. Have. Gone? I mean here's the straw, where's the lid. Here's the other lid, but the stopper is missing.
Shannon: Oh well it happens. That stinks we just got all squared away with our cups :(
Patrick: This is giving me rage, seriously, where could they have gone. I am telling you someone is taking them.
Shannon: Dad, do you need me to get up and look for them, I will.
Patrick: No, I am telling you it's a sippy cup epidemic!
Shannon: I turn around, from the computer going to attempt to help him out. Umm dad, the stopper is under the dishwasher door.
Patrick: Squats down, checking and feeling all around, and then in a very relieved and excited voice Oh! I am so relieved. OH! Here's the other lid. We're okay.
Shannon: falls on the floor laughing.... Dad, I'm so glad for you.

I mean seriously, its like 8 dollars for two new cups, a hassle yes, but worth having an entire meltdown, I don't think so.

I love my dad.
I am glad He's my Papa.

awesomeness.

2010-01-30T13:45:00.004-04:00

how often do you get to re-experience your first date? or your first kiss? or those butterflies you used to get when you first fell in love? the thought of even holding my husband's hand, overwelms me with anticipation. most people only get it once. us military wives are blessed. for every deployment brings a new chance to in a sense start all over again. how blessed am i that for the past week i cant sleep, i can barely eat, i pretty much don't function, because the time is coming when i get to wrap my arms around the man i love. r&r doesn't even compare to the homecoming, but it's still a slice of heaven, and i am going to drink it all up! i am so excited/nervous/anxious... words don't do my emotions justice.

awestruck & amazed.

7 days and counting down...

we are ready.
are you?

cute.

2010-01-26T09:22:00.006-04:00

i love this kid.

blessed assurance.

2010-01-25T11:43:00.003-04:00

i love it. love love love. My Christian friends. Nothing makes my heart have more delight then seeing facebook status,' blogs, and the like, shining for the glory of Jesus. I love that in the midst of despair, I hear hope and praise. In the midst of calamities, I hear shouts of rejoicing and praise. What a witness to the world. What a witness to me. That their hope is found in something that cannot be changed or manipulated. That when I see and hear God Is Good, I hear it in their voices as a declaration, not a question, not a withering whisper, but as the Truth. As all powerful steadfast Truth. That He is Good, and He is Good all the time... and our circumstances here no matter how grim they seem to us doesn't change who He is, who He was, and who He will always be. Although we are fleeding and easily swayed... He isn't. They don't plead for prayers from their friends as hope that their God will appease their request, but rather in a unison of aggreement in His faithfulness and provision, joining in with a declaration of who He IS and what He has already done. How blessed that we always have a direct access to the Creator of the universe, the one True God. That we don't have to earn a spot in His court to hear our pleads, petitioning for His favor... He has already given us all things, and its about time we started living like it, and I am thankful that my brothers and sisters do. It just really makes my day so much beautiful seeing you be faithful with all that He has given you, and giving Him all honor due. Thanks. Me and Jesus dig you ;) we think you're pretty neat.

Friend or Foe?

2010-01-23T14:14:00.003-04:00

I sure as heck don't know?

counting down

2010-01-19T08:49:00.004-04:00

Okay let's break it down. It has been.... 33 weeks since I have last seen this handsome man, that is roughly 231 days or 5,544 hours. And I now only have 13 DAYS OR 312 HOURS until I get to wrap my arms around him!!!! Can you breathe? I am struggling here!! ha ha ha

This was us the last time we were together...

My husband's duffle bags, are bigger than Gav

What a surprise, awaits Daddy, at how big our boy has grown!

I miss these boots. I miss the smell of motor oil. I miss the ACUs and Engineer Insignia. I miss Army, because Army is my Sam.

WOW its fun being a MOM

2010-01-15T14:19:00.004-04:00

it makes me wonder, how the Lord does it, with us that is. today is just one of those days, where my son cannot say no. he knows its off limits, he knows he'll go to timeout, he knows the consequences. we have played the game before. yet he can't resist. its like he gets this bug. and everything that is "uh oh" becomes a world of temptation for him. it just seems to scream out for his attention, and he cannot help but give in to it.

parenting a toddler has proven probably the most effective humbling experience in my walk with the Lord. as i lose my temper. as i run out of ideas. as i try not to give in to the temper tantrums or exhaustion of taking the time to correctly discipline my son. it is a lot of hard work, all of which i often feel i am running with too few resources or experience. and always i think of my Lord. how often i act just like my 18mo old son. how often do i seem to lose all sense of rationality and give in to my selfish desires, running rampant doing what i "want" to do instead of what i know i should be doing.

yet His patience is unending. His correction pure. His motives always out of love and not anger. His discipline just. He always knows just what to do. He knows just what to say. He has done a marvelous job with me. I am thankful He's my Father, and even more thankful He's my son's. Because I often don't respond like Him. I often make mistakes. I often run out of ideas. I am so glad He makes up for everything I fail to do and more. I am thankful I can rely on Him, to help me raise my son. I am so thankful, He has never given up on me, because honestly even on days like today with Gav, I know I have far outweighed my son's orneriness, and walk away praising Him for the love He has out poured on me and His unending faithfulness. its remarkably amazing to me.

2010

2010-01-07T11:00:00.005-04:00

You know id like to take a moment and reflect back on 2009 except of course i am not in the mood of remembrance or reflection. not that 2009 was a bad year, in fact i think it was the exact opposite. instead, i am excited for 2010. i am eager for all the Lord has in store for me, for you, for everyone. i think its going to be a big year. this is almost a stark contrast to how my year started out. since on the 1st i had to go the ER from the flu, and then on the 2nd Gavin almost stopped breathing, sickness has been running rampant, the snow does not stop falling, and all the while i could probably find every reason to say this year is starting out with a bang and not the good kind. instead i see blessings everywhere. i see praise in recovery and wellness and wholeness. i see hope instead of despair. the cold actually feels a little warmer. the snow has mesmerized me with its beauty. i love a little deeper. i am humbled even more. and all of this has left me with a joy the overflows my soul, a peace that could calm the stormiest of nights, a contement that leaves me lacking in nothing, and a hope that is filled with excitement and anticipation like a child who falls asleep on Christmas Eve, barely able to close their eyes for the celebration that awaits them is almost to much to bare for another 10 hours.

and all of this. every ounce. is because the name Jesus is so much sweeter to me than anything else. just the whisper of His name breaths life into my soul. i could sit and whisper His name all day long and be satisfied with the echo of His presence. my Lord i love you so.

as i sit and look at the beginning of this year, i could see why other people may be discouraged, why others could find pause to complain, but i see Your faithfulness. i know you a little better. and i love you even more.

i could list probably 100 things i want to change or hope to accomplish in this new year, but instead i feel prodded to declare. see i am the women i will be, because He has made it so. i am the change i want to see, because His spirit lives in me.

the thing that keeps running over and over in my heart and head is for my family. this is a year of distinction. a year in which we become set apart. i declare that this year we are a family that prays together. that binds together in the name of Jesus when all things come our way. that we not only hope and rely on our Lord, but that we can and do hope and rely upon each other. what an exciting time for us. what a privilege that He has chosen us to do mighty things. that He has ordained us as His priests, His holy ones, set apart for His glory. how privileged am I that I get to go on this journey not alone, not even with just His spirit, but with you alongside me, watching my back, carrying me through, through all the twists and turns this life will give us, He has give us to each other, to make this life a little more bearable, to infiltrate His kingdom a little more deeper, and to show this world, who He really is. i am proud of each and everyone of you. you have blessed my life immensely, you have honored me in your love, you have pushed through to tear the vail, you continually move forward, for your know where your prize lies, I am glad the Lord has placed us together.

So to 2010, I expect great and mighty things, Lord, because it is our inheritance, it is our right, that You have blessed us with, when those many years ago You forfeited Your throne, Your rightful place of honor, for me, for you, for US. I chose to embrace my heritage and let not your sacrifice be in vain. You have all of me (us) and more. Use us.

nothing important.

2009-12-14T21:30:00.003-04:00

just because it humors me i thought i'd share.

okay favorite commercial::the ebay commercial. have you seen it. this guys sitting and talking about how his wife finds these great deals and how she got this dress and it was 60% off and he looks at her and is like i'd like it better if it was 100% [hahahahahahahaha] and she just looks at him and tells him to go make the kids dinner then there is a another line that was funny, something about chicken nuggets... it was funny. i laughed. i called jen. she appreciates me.
*sidenote*its also funny because at first i didnt get that he was meaning he wanted her to take off her clothes, i totally thought he was just being a cheap :)

okay today, [we like noggin or as it is now called Nick Jr. we watch it frequently] wonder pets was on. they sing this song. they are like superheros rescuing animals [baby animals at that ha ha ha] and you know have a cape and sing songs, and so their phone rings and its a baby cow, he needs help. so quick wonder pets get on the ball. and what can i ask is the tragedy ahead... a tree. a baby cow. stuck in a tree. WHAt?!?!?! what is this show teaching my child... please explain how a cow [and a baby one at that hahahaha] get stuck in a tree? *don't worry it was just a twister

last but not least. so we have the Little People Christmas Story. It stays on our coffee table. Gavin likes to throw all the pieces everywhere so I constantly am putting it back together so we don't lose any more pieces. well for the good part of the evening all the pieces have been accounted for except... Joseph. I was starting to get sufficiently worried as my manger scene now verged on the brink of Joseph looking like a dead beat dad. Mommy, Baby, Wisemen, all animals accounted for... but where's the daddy?!?! Crisis averted i just found him. he was stuffed under the entertainment center, courtesy of yours truly::the ornery Gavin Patrick. I'm just glad Mary had her hubby back.

I want a love like His.

2009-12-13T10:01:00.005-04:00

Well, as I sit here on my sofa (yes I pulled out my older than dirt piece of crap laptop, that when it started up hours ago...you need to give it time to figure out if it wants to stay on or shut off, it is sooo loud that my one year old covered his ears! ha ha ha. AMAZING. Where did he even learn that anyway? which is why my photos are from over a year ago when Gavin was about 4 months old), exhausted yet refreshed, I am so blessed by the sheer quietness throughout my household.

My little bud has had quite the bought of whatever is going on. The insane clingy-ness started days ago, I guess I should have expected something was coming. Then he had a fever, but it was nothing to write home about. Then all of a sudden out of the sky drops on him a fever of 103+, shivers, blue lips, cold hands and feet, a refusal to be anywhere but in my arms, and tears of sadness?!?! Although as time has progressed from Friday to today, Sunday, his fever has came down to consistently stay in the 102 range, with a welcome addition of diarrhea, and I think an all around achy-ness as he prefers to crawl over walk, or when he does walk looks like he is walking on stilts, but mostly grabs on to his mommy for dear life and lets her carry him around everywhere.

Anyone who has spent any length of time with my son, would have been startled by his behavior a few days ago. He about scared his mother half to death. Gav's been sick before, and quite sick at that. He has gotten to 104 on a previous occasion. Had stomach flu. A serious case of diarrhea. And let's not all forget when my 5 month old son started to break out in crazy hives all over his body. Never in his 17 months of life has he ever even remotely acted like he did these past few days. My boy. My poor baby boy, has not been feeling well. All this to say last night was AMAZING. Although still running a fever of 102.3, he slept from 6-7, 8-4 (which a quick diaper change and dose of Tylenol), and 4-7, and wait for it, IN HIS OWN ROOM AND IN HIS BED. He did not require I rock him, or hold him, or bring him to the play pen in my room, or into my bed (which never results in success, as he just sits, stares at me, giggles, smiles, then cries after he realizes Mommy isn't playing, she's sleeping, and so should he) The best nights rest in probably over a week. Now he is napping as well! HOORAY! I can only take this a sheer sign he is starting to get back to normal. So I'm optimistic.

I have loved that he has needed me so much. Its nice to have my wiggle bot not be so wiggly, instead of running away constantly running to me, and THEN rest on me and THEN sleep on me. I have loved the snuggles, I have not loved that its been at the cost of his comfort, so I am glad he seems to be doing better. Plus, even though I have pretty much been just watching Disney movies, Christmas movies, and cartoons for days, rocking my son, walking my son, trying to sleep with my son, all in which require about 2 degrees of physical activity *I added one degree because I have to hold him all the time, that has to count for something* I can't say I have been well rested. Last night potentially would've been great, but I kept getting up and looking at the monitor waiting for him to stir.

So here's to hopefully the last day of isolation :) and I'm still taking today off. When Gavin got sick on Friday and refused to lay down anywhere, but was so tired he was falling asleep on my shoulder, I rocked him during every one of his names. That rocker has seen me more these past few days than I have ever used it Gav's whole life. When it came on I had plans to do more things. I had groceries laying on the floor. I had an appointment that I had been waiting for for probably 3+ months the next day. And as I sat there holding my little baby, rocking, and thinking of everything else I was suppose to be doing, this is what the Lord spoke to me.

"I drop everything for you. I stop what I am doing, right in the middle of doing it, just for you. I stop the world to meet you in your need. I lay everything aside for you. If you were sick and you wanted me to rock you for a full day, I would gladly lay all my plans down just to hold you."

I cried, right then and there, holding my baby. Thinking of my Lord holding me, His baby.

That's the kind of love I get. That's the kind of love I rejoice in. I am so thankful for my Lord. That He love's me that much. That He does, did, and will always do that just for me. BUT even more, how blessed am I as a parent, that my Lord takes me aside and shows me how He is the best Father in the world and how I can be like Him to my son. Blessed. So blessed. What an honor. What joy I have for myself, for my family, for my son. That He who is called Almighty God, lays everything down for me, and helps me walk through this life making the right choices and teaching me how to love.

speechless. i don't deserve so much.

i love you Jesus. so so much.

thank you.

mission accomplished

2009-11-30T19:27:00.011-04:00

Its Christmas time again. The good ole month of November is coming to a close and straight ahead is CHRISTMAS. I love Christmas. Although it always makes me cry, for some reason the birth of my Lord always translates His death to me. I just can't get past it. When I see that baby all wrapped in swaddling clothes laying in a manager, tears uncontrollably rush to my eyes. All I can think is, He was born to die. His whole life, as beautiful and impacting as it was, the purpose, the reason was so that He could die so I could live. I can barely muster the words now, even typing. Its like they get clogged up in my throat. Now, give me Easter, and I'm jumping with joy. Even though on the holiday we remember His sacrifice, all I can think is We (me+Him) get to live together forever, in the best place ever. Talk about His stripes, and I hear I am healed. Talk about His death and I'm like we won! He won! He beat death. Christmas on the other hand....I actually go into mourning. Seriously. I'm a weird one.

All that to say, the Christmas celebration has begun. It started with a bang this year, I'll have to write more later about it. I wanted to get a real tree this year, but since Sam will be home the first of February (countdown::9wks), I thought I would leave up the decor for his enjoyment as well. So that's right, I will be having my lights and tree up until spring (;

Since in the past we have only had a $7.oo tree, I thought it'd be appropriate to actually get a grown up real people tree. We went out and got ourselves a beautiful Sherwood pine. ha ha ha ha. I'm excited. It's perfect for us. Especially since I hope to in years to come always have real tree as our main tree and our nice fake tree as our kiddie tree. We got a deal because it was on clearance and then they gave me a military discount (Thank You Lowes) I think the worst thing about it is, it's pre-lit. I am a little OCD so I like to do it all myself, but I have to give it to them, wow was it convenient to just pull it out set it up and start decorating.

It's taken days. Possibly weeks (; Thank you Lord, for my Dad being here. I think though, now, the house is finally in okay shape. Of course I wish I had more Christmas decor like garland and the such, but this will do. We are blessed after all its only been four years we have celebrated Christmas together. I have to say though, my absolute favorite part of my decorations was the Willow Creek Nativity, I got on sale last year. I hadn't been able to use it yet, so its been just a priveledge to get to look at it all day everyday as it sits on display in the middle of my livingroom. I hope to one day get the other Willow Creek Nativity, but I have to start saving now for like 3 years ha ha ha, because its probably 2xs what mine cost without my 25% off coupon I got to use last year. I do plan on getting the Little People Nativity and keep it on the coffee table so Gavin can chill with Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus (;

cluck cluck cluck

2009-11-17T12:46:00.008-04:00

best friends, a chicken and a pumpkin. how adorable... i think my heart just stopped.

We stopped by Bumma and Papa's to show him our outfit, and Bumma had a special treat just for her Gavin!

Happy as can be. As always.

so this year, with sam's absence, my boredom, and encouragement from some friends... we decided to dress up and get some candy. now, friends. i am not an avid fan of the background of halloween. growing up of course it was our families favorite holidays and really was my mom's moment of sheer amazingness. she never skipped a beat. homemade costumes. she dressed up as well. parites. firetruck rides. professional grade makeup. decorations to boot. it was well amazing. as i have embraced the Lord Jesus Christ (can you hear my southern accent lol :D) as my Lord and Saviour, I have been wary of all things Halloween. As a Christian I have a strong conviction as to celebrating death, witches, gore, demons, devils, and all those other scarey things. Its so odd our facination with evil. HOWEVER, a couple years ago, a beloved mentor challenged me to try to use what may be Satan's holiday in order to glorify our Lord. [After all 5 minutes inside any store this time of year and you can see Christmas to the world has barely anything to do about Christ. Which in its root is nothing else but a CHRISTIAN holiday, but the world gladly suits up their Santa Claus' and drows themselves in a fury of buying, getting, and giving gifts while putting themselves into a crater sized pit of debt... ]

Now I do agree, there is a FINE FINE line of walking in this world. To be in the world, yet still be seperate, while not going off to live on a secluded island. So here is my philosophy, especially for holidays and traditions. Do all things for the glory of the Lord, ask Him how you should choose to honor and remember and share him with those around you, I strongly believe what maybe best for my family will probably look very different for what works for yours. You never know unless you ask Him though. For me this is what I feel about Halloween:: What other time do I have my neighbors who probably 90% of them don't know Jesus for who he really is, come up to my door and knock? Asking for gifts... so I give it to them, along with evangelism tracts. Yes, I am that crazy. Don't worry I do get the good candy. Sam feels extremely strongly about that one. Reeses, M&Ms, Snickers, and the like. We've adopted this tradition with full embrace and honestly for us, absolutely feel like we glorify the Lord. We pray over our candy and over the kids who come to our door and their parents as they walk away. We embrace them with smiles on our face despite our disconent with their gross creepy costumes... and we trust the Lord that He brings who He wants to our door and that where those silly tracts may just be little, that He can, could, and would use them, if anything just plant seeds in their hearts that they would one day come to know and love Him as we do.

So this year, yes, I dressed my son up. As a chicken no less, it was last minute and all that was left of the cute animal costumes, and even then it was a size to small. Rule: all costumes have to be fun, uplifting and honoring to the Lord. I didnt want to stay at home all night giving out candy, so I left a whole bowl on my door step (even though no kids came wahhhh!!! all that hard work) And we met up with our good friends and when around the block going door to door asking for candy. It was freaking freezing. I had to cover Gavin's eyes several times and pray over him, my only regret was not taking some of my tracts with me and handing them out to strangers, maybe one day I'll be that bold, I sure hope so. Then we stopped by the cutest little church and went trunk or treating with fellow believers. strangers no less, but friendly as can be. The only downfall everyone thought my son was my daughter. i guess he is just too cute. well that and lets be honest i think a chicken is a bit girly. they were out of the tigers... whats a mom to do? so there you have it, how i got the cutest little chicky in all the world. gavin had a blast, it was a good night.

11:11

2009-11-11T21:03:00.006-04:00

i may not wear the uniform or stand among the ranks, but i carry each stripe my husband's earned dearly upon my heart. i stand beside him and behind him. waiting for his return. keeping our life in order. even when he's gone, making sure he's ever present in our daily lives. still being dependant while being independant.

im proud of my husband and honored i get to serve along side him.

Baby, There isn't a man I respect more. I believe in what you are and what you are doing. I am so proud of all you do and every sacrifice you make. I am glad you answered the call. I am thankful our son has you too look up to. Thank you for your service to our county, our home. It wouldn't be what it is without men like you. Come Home Soon. we miss you.

to all service members past and present, each spouse and child, thank you for your service and more importantly sacrifice.

joy abounding

2009-11-10T01:32:00.006-04:00

i am like a hot pocket:: full of mess. just ask mo. ive been all over the place with random strongly opionated moments/convictions from holiday celebrations, Jesus, and my all time favorite: priorities. just be happy im sparing you. instead you get my sweet side and my oh so cute, you can eat him son: the cutest smartest bestest child alive (okay i know yall have some pretty amazing kids, whom some of you should be a little concerned that i may or may not try to steal them from you, but this one is actually my child whom i birthed out of my body, so he gets my rightfully due overflowing gushing of overly biased pride). this is one of my favorite pictures because his expression is so freaking funny. oh joy. i have so much joy in my life. this child is the greatest thing alive.

Katie

2009-10-22T17:35:00.006-04:00

30 Reasons Why You're Great... (there could've been more but you know... )

1. If Wikipedia was a person, it might be her.
2. She pretty much is the essence of cool.
3. She has a fierce love for her family, one I am not sure I have yet seen matched.
4. Once she’s befriended you, you’re in for life.
5. She has the memory of an elephant.
6. She’s an amazing cook, she could make money off her paninis.
7. She has the voice of an angel.
8. She totally plays the bass… rockstar.
9. She’s a phenomenal photographer.
10. She teaches me her cool tricks.
11. She’s got great taste in music.
12. She asks me to do errands with her.
13. We were pregnant together.
14. Her son Judah, has blonder and bluer eyes than my Gavin, I did not see that coming.
15. She’s a person who has been given much (she’s one of the most gifted people I know, I didn’t know you could be the best at so many things), and she takes that responsibility seriously.
16. She’s hungry for Jesus.
17. She can read a novel in like 20 min. I think she’s read every Christian book in the Mishawaka Library.
18. She married Matt, who is one of the most unique, grateful, passionate, genuine, guys I have ever met.
19. Her daughter Lilly is almost an exact replica of her… and Lilly she’s a star, if you haven’t met her, I am sure one day you will… she might be famous, there is a good possibility.
20. She’s a wonderful teacher.
21. Peer Pressure has nothing on her.
22. She has one of the softest hearts, although you may not always see it, when you do it’s a treasure.
23. She’s got style.
24. She’s ironic. May favorite ironic-ness about her is how crazily organized and systematic she is, yet she’s insanely messy… does this make sense? Not to me… I think it runs in the family.
25. She’ll drive 7 hours (one way::so 14 total) in one day to see a friend.
26. If I ever was on who wants to be a millionaire, she’d be my lifeline, of if I was on any game show I would want her as my partner.
27. She’s a devoted daughter.
28. She’s my sister.
29. She’s my friend.
30. Throughout the past 6 years I have seen her change so much. She got married. Then she became a mother. She lived in a crazy apartment with a neighbor named Spider. Then she lived in an apartment that looks just like Jens. Then they got a house. She’s had long hair. She’s had short hair. I think she’s had like 4 different pairs of glasses. She worked at Valentinos, then she didn’t, and then she became a professional photographer. She became a youth pastor. She's falling more in love with Jesus. Grown in her spiritual walk and physical walk. She continues to blossom as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. She's a natural born leader, but more than that is how she does and desires to lead people to the truth. She has a heart and longing for revival. For Change. For the lasting Change that pentrates all that we are. We’ve had some not so good times and lots of fantastic times. All in all, my life wouldn’t be the same without her. She’s impacted me for the better. I have loved being her sister and having her as a best friend. She’s amazing woman, and it’s an honor to share life with her.

Kate, I am so glad you were born. I am blessed by who you are and the relationship we have. Thanks for all the support and advice throughout the years. You have been an encouragement to my life. I wouldn’t be the mother I am without your influence and support. I wouldn’t know what it’s like to have a sister, or even really to be apart of a family, without you. Happy Birthday!!!!!!! Here’s to a new year and many more to come.

a little bit of everything.

2009-10-21T10:13:00.004-04:00

its been a century. i know. apparently i am bad at this blogging thing. okay so here's the run down.

i went to florida for two weeks (pictures to come). i got back a week ago. we in the chaput house have caught the common cold. so we are all (me and gavin, i guess cody too) staying home for the day to sleep, drink lots of fluids, and watch tv in hopes to recuperate soon. hopefully this excess boredom will result in some highly productive photo editing time... we will see. i wouldnt hold my breath. i hate yogurt. its gross. eating it that is. i feed it to gavin everyday, he loves it... i gave it another shot, i'm trying to be healthy, its like vomit in my mouth. yes it tastes that gross to me. blaahyuck. i have totally rearranged my house, with the exception of my bedroom, but thats next, as soon as i pick up the rest of my mess. i missed cody while i was gone, its been nice having my puppy back. we went from the heart of summer to the dead of winter in one day i swear. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. BUT this week has given me hope, because the mid 60s have been coming back full force. i hope it lasts so once we get better i can take gavin to our adorable pumpkin patch. my brother and his lovely girlfriend came out and we went to the Notre Dame vs. USC game... it was a lot of fun. ND toys with my emotions, but it was entertaining i will give them that. i got a new hat and sweatshirt out of our venture thanks to my bro... i look pretty cool in my ND gear. gavin is amazing. i love that little bug. he does this adorable (thats right im using that word) fake cry when he does something naughty (which he also says naughty now HA HA HA) and it makes correcting him so much harder but so much funnier, it melts my heart when his whole face puckers up with all his empty heartfelt wails. its so funny, i wish you could see it. and he is so cute when he does it, it almost makes me look forward to saying No. HA HA HA HA. He runs full force, but not too quickly due to the fact he walks like a cowboy, he's a little bull legged. He now gives hugs and kisses without even prompts to his mommy. he says my name BEAUTIFULLY. its the best sound ive ever heard, well that, and the little moans he let's out when he is falling asleep. he opens my back screen door and runs away. he knows no boundaries and is afraid of absolutely nothing. the kid looks at danger and laughs in its face. im probably going to have ulcers. he likes to spit and bite. and the newest quest... he totally talks in nonsensical sentences. what is he saying? i have no idea. but its wonderful. it goes something along the lines of this.

thwklkaj wlkajlkh alkdjaf al;dkjf mommy.

my name is the only comprehensible word of the bunch. but apparently he is telling me something.

he brings so much joy to my life. i love him.

OH!

I'M AN AUNT AGAIN!!!!
Ann and Andrew had their first baby yesterday. he's beautiful. and such a peanut. i can't wait to hold him. i love him so much already.

mr. gavin.

2009-09-24T19:59:00.003-04:00

This is my son. He loves:

Cars. Things with wheels. Anything that moves. Anything that is "off limits." Tantrums. Water. Baths. Cats. Especially Bumma's kitty, Gracie. Cody. His Bumma. Jumping or Bouncing. Outside. Chick-fil-a. Milk. Soy Milk. Television. His stuffed "Puppy." His Pacificer. Friends. Strangers. : Walking, No Running. Talking, Yes he says words! Life.

My son is such a delight. You know what I love so much about him? He just absolutely loves life. He loves to live. He does everything with excitment. You goes full force. He is either off the charts excited and happy or its the end of the world and you can feel the fury of his frustration. There is never a dull moment with him. If he can get into it, he does. He is always thinking and trying to figure out how everything works. He makes all my days brighter. He is the smartest little bud I know.

And even though his daddy is in Iraq, he can point to his picture and say "daddy"

Can he say Mommy? Not really.

Does he point to me or for me. Not really.

Amazing.

He is such a little person. How could you not love this squirt?!?!

life. Is Beautiful.

2009-09-12T10:12:00.004-04:00

What's that quote, I think it goes something like, "life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away" I am pretty sure that's it. I'll tell you what I must have a remarkable life... I mean seriously if that's how were going to measure. I must have the best life there is. :)

{SCENE}

its a lazy saturday morning, besides the sheer amount of humidity trapped in my bedroom, its dark and cozy, the fan is set on high, so we have that great wonderful background noise (to also help muddle out the monitor noise, since I cannot either A) turn the volume off without shutting the whole monitor off, and B) I can't not have the monitor on because I can't hear anything in my bedroom let alone the muffled noises coming from my son) I have just gone to the bathroom, with no signs that gavin is yet awake and its past 8 o'clock, today is a BEAUTIFUL day. I am ready to fall back asleep... falling in and out really as I keep anticipating my son's fantastic vocal cords.

Monitor starts lighting up.

Me: Did I just hear crying? Eh? I don't really hear much but I see the lights flickering. Thinking to myself, "did I turn off the monitor on accident last night?" hmph. I lay back down. I hear the noise again, something must be going on. I can't tell what it is. It's definitely not screaming. It's not laughing. But something is going on in Gavin's room. Just as I get up to get out of bed to go check on my son, oh there it is, the WAIL.

Apparently Cody was excited too as he started frolicking around and going crazy, he must really have to pee... Okay Code, give me a second, I'll pick up Gav and we'll take you our ASAP (usually I take my time waking up my son and only acknowledge cody after we are all cleaned and ready to go for the day... but not today Gav's diaper will have to wait, because I don't think Code can wait)

I crack the door open, and start to sing (that's right I sing to my son in the morning) my morning song (good morning, good morning, good morn-ing to you... and repeat, don't be jealous at my talent and sheer creativity) when I am pretty sure I stopped breathing.

There was my son.
in a pile of poo.

He had it..
On his face.
His hands.
His puppy. and probably all his other toys. remember my post about how my son sleeps with like 10 different animals?!?!
Oozing out of his pajamas.
Smeared in a poop like puddle all over his newly washed sheets (we had just changed everything yesterday morning)
And crusted, yes crusted, all over his crib.

And that my friends is my great Saturday morning story.

Cody had to hold it. Sorry baby bear... we can't let feces rule our house. eeww gross. yuck. and well I was a little worried Gavin had ate some of it or was bound to start accidentally putting it in his mouth.

I wish I would have taken a picture, but I guess I was a little too preoccupied.

unknown.

2009-09-05T19:46:00.000-04:00

Today was a hard day.

These past few days have been hard days.
I find it extremely ironic, that on my hardest days with Gavin, are most often the days where I find I love him more.

I’ve just missed Sam so much lately. Today on the phone, all I said pretty much was I miss you so much. That’s all that would come out of my mouth. I miss him when Gavin is going crazy. When Cody pees on my floor fan?! And when we have get togethers and I’m the only one without my man. I’m a single parent except I have a husband it breaks my heart. As I watched Mo and Andy help Colton open his presents, I was so sad. It’s not fair that me and Sam didn’t get to do that together. It’s not fair that Gavin didn’t get to be with his mommy and his daddy on his birthday. That’s right it’s not fair, but not much in life is.

As I was putting my sweet baby down to bed, tears rolled down my cheeks. For whatever reason, I thought about his future spouse. Again tears rolled down my cheeks. Maybe it’s because I’ve missed Sam so much. Or maybe it was because Rob, at the slightest joke about Ava having a boyfriend, cringed and protested at the mere mention of the idea *which I can agree with, with every cord of my being, I’m the parent that gets defensive at the mention of look its his/her girl/boyfriend when they are only a few years old, okay or even when their 10*… brought the idea to mind. I have a scarlet past. One I am not ashamed of, but one I would rather not have my children travel down. I remember years ago, when I met this boy. His name was Sam. Sam had never dated anyone in his life. Never held hands. Never kissed. To be frank, he didn’t even really care for girls. They sort of annoyed him (with the exception of course his family). I can’t say that at first glance, I fell head over heels, but I would say I was strangely intrigued. I couldn’t pin point what it was, but I was almost gravitationally drawn to him. Then I remember, weeks later, sitting down with his father. Boundaries were set. Intentions were clarified. Words were said. My life was changed. As my, now, father in law sat across from me he explained that from the beginning of Sam’s life (as with all his children), he and his wife have prayed for their child’s future spouse. At that moment, everything else drifted away, and all I heard was, “I have prayed for you before the day you were born.” (which I now know is extremely accurate, because Sam is six months older than me) The thought of that purposeful intention floored me. It became crystalyzingly clear, that with every choice I made, every circumstance I’d face, the Lord’s hand was purposefully directing my path with the prayer from my future parents. Someone had intentionally prayed for me without even knowing my face. It was remarkable.

Even before the thought of raising a family with Sam, I knew I wanted that for my children. When I was pregnant with Gavin I already started pleading for his spouse. I don’t care who she is or where she’s from, I hope and pray she’ll know the Lord, and I hope and pray she’ll feel welcomed into our home. With Gavin’s birth I asked the Lord for words, and it just dawned maybe I should do the same for his spouse. So even though its years and years and years J away… this is for her.

I don’t know who you are or where you’re at. You may just be a day old, or a couple years old, maybe you are growing right now inside your mommy’s belly, or maybe you are just a glimmer in someone’s eye, but this I know. I know that there is a God who has chosen you and crafted you with every freckle and follicle of hair. I know that He loves you more than I can ever love you or my son will ever love you. I pray you come to know Him as your Lord. That you would grasp the magnitude of grace He has place upon your life. That you would bend and grow with the impulse of His hands moving you along life’s road. That when I see your face, I would know, that you are the one for my son, but until that day, even now, I hope you feel His presence and know that I am praying for you now. I already love you without even knowing your name. And I entrust you to the Lord as I would for any one of my children. All my love, Mom.

a dream is a wish your heart makes...

2009-09-03T10:10:00.003-04:00

~Disney's Cinderella

I’m chillin' over at Kate’s. It was a nice day. We were just sitting and talking in her foyer. All of a sudden I see the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life walk up to her door. My heart stopped. I didn't believe my eyes, I couldn't. It was impossible. He leans over to peer in the door as he begins to knock. Kate hushes me and tells me to stay put, while she answers the door.

As she open's the door, tears well up in her eyes, as she fully embraces the man. He begins to look around (probably for her children... but its naptime) and finds me sitting there. He walks swiftly to my side and gives me the most passionate kiss I’ve ever seen in my life. It may haven almost been slightly inappropriate... :P who was this man?!?! It couldn't be Sam, he's in Iraq... but yet he's right here by my side. But it didn’t matter what I thought I knew because, that’s right my husband was home.

Apparently something came up or actually a lack there of. So he was able to take his r&r early. Quite early, as his is scheduled for February. Yet... it was September, and he was here.

He had taken a cab to the podjans. He went to Kate’s first because he was going to have her take him over to our house and surprise me there, but instead I surprised him here. It was wonderful. Then he proceeded to tell me that his tour was getting cut short! He would actually be home in MARCH. How fantastic. My man was coming home for good a month after what was only supposed to be his R&R and a whole 3 months early. Apparently they were closing down his FOB and making it only a barely functional guard station or something like that. So here he was for two weeks, and coming home in just 5 more months. Amazing.

END SCENE.
But it was a nice dream, while it lasted.
Then reality woke me up.
Its Thursday.

It was real. It was perfect. It was impossible? It was just a dream?
Or was it.
The Lord speaks in dreams and visions?
Maybe that’s why I dreamed last night.
Here’s hoping. Lord you can make this dream come true anytime you like :)

its not my fault.

2009-09-01T10:10:00.002-04:00

so yes i have the internet, therefore the capabilites to blog. why then do i have so few posts? this is reason ladies and gents... my computer is slower than molasses. this is not an exageration. i can demonstrate it for you anytime, just come on over.

REASON #1
my computer may be dying. i need more memory or active memory or something. it takes hours to do anything. this is also a reason why i am so far behind on my photos. what should take 10 minutes takes an hour (sometimes more actually) i should get a round of applause for still trying and actually being patient enough to let this STUPID FREAKING THING take up all my extra time that i dont have. SO for every picture you see I want you to take it in and appreciate all my efforts even when its a crappy edited picture... because even crap can take 30min with my again STUPID FREAKING computer.

REASON #2
my internet connection is through my phone. this reason will be broken down into parts.

a) i have to actually hook up my phone, open the program, press connect and wait for it to connect, then it always takes atleast 10min for it to open up the internet explorer window to get started. im having flashbacks to dial up. good news is that once i get started it can be farely quick like dsl, bad news if i get a call it disconnects me from the internet and we have to start all over... but again goodnews, I can still get texts on my phone and stay connected... this astonishes me... oop i just got one!!!! whoopie!

b) blogger and my phone i think are having serious disaggrements. im not sure why. but i think they are enemies. blogger most the time refuses to upload pictures now? or again and i know i exaggerate a lot, but seriously takes probably 2 hours to upload one picture, if it uploads at all. so also keep in mind then my phone has to be connected to the computer during those two hours without getting a call. can you invision the complexity of blogging from computer now?!

REASON #3
My new apartment's layout... is less than ideal for having a toddler running around while i blog about the sun or pretty much whatever unimportant thing that comes across my head. and also i dont have a "desk" anymore. which means its really not very comfortable to sit at my computer for the long hours it takes me to do anything.

we are trying to work through these difficulties. bare with us.
but it may just be words for now on out. i think id blog more if i gave up the whole picture side of things... OR if i could figure someway to make an online gallery or something since not all of you are on facebook. problem solving. i hate it. isnt that my husband's job? at least he always thinks it is ;)

ta ta for now. maybe ill write more later. wouldnt that make you happy?!?! all my animated frustrations. this has probably been your biggest waste of time all day. don't you have a job or something? ya? well i dont so there. :P

we don't need anything or anyone...

2009-08-24T10:00:00.003-04:00

i love having a child. i do. every ounce of it. from the top of his head to the tip of his toes, i love every spot on his stinky little body. i love him when he's happy and when he's driving me up the wall. but more than him. i love his daddy. i couldn't have asked for a better family. i think it happened perfectly. just the way it was suppose to for us. from the moment we met to the years apart, with all our ups and downs, i would not change a thing or do anything differently. but i don't know what it is, days like today, i want my husband. i don't want a baby. or a dog. or a house. or family. or anyone or anything. i want to take him. run away. fast as we can. away. far. away. forget all our responsibilities. forget everything and everyone. just for a moment. just to be with him. only him. no one else. to have just his attention. his full, undivided attention. to stare in those beautiful brown eyes and be lost in my love for him. to dwell in the presence of my true love. i love him. i miss him.

We'll do it all everything on our own

We don't need anything or anyone

If I lay here, If I just lay here,

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know, how to say how I feel.

Those three words, are said too much...they're not enough

If I lay here, If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told. Before we get too old. Show me a garden that's bursting into life.

Let's waste time. Chasing cars. Around our heads.

I need your grace, To remind me, To find my own.

If I lay here, If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

All that I am. All that I ever was.
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see.

I don't know where, Confused about how as well, Just know that these things will never change for us at all.

If I lay here, If I just lay here, Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

GRAND::PA

2009-08-19T09:20:00.008-04:00

In the words of Gavin's Great Grandpa... my Grandpa, he would say, "I'm you GRAND! pa. because I'm Grand, right Shannon?"

You are most certainly Grand, grandpa, and it has now trickled down to your son, my son's GRANDpa.
*note*my grandpa is crazy, but I do love him an awful lot. childhood would not have been the same without my grandpa. i have wonderful memories with my favorite grandpa :D [he was after all my only one, but he doesn't need to know that ;) ]

a couple weeks ago my dad, whom i call Papa, but gavin calls grandpa gilles, because we call sam's dad, dennis, papa.... came to visit us for a week. we decided that one. next time he visit he should just stay for a month. two. he probably should just move back here. we miss grandpa a lot. mommy misses grandpa A LOT. he was such a help. he is so wonderful with gavin. mr. gavin loves his grandpa like he loves his bumma. which anyone who has experienced the fullness of my child's love for my mother-in-law, knows its something to be jealous of. he will ditch me any day for her. i can already see the days ahead... can we go to bumma's house?! NOOO i dont want to go home, bumma can i stay with you? the tears are welling in his eyes already. gavin likes his grandpa too, its probably because he spoils him rotten with attention. seriously. i guess thats what grandparents do best though. here are some pictures from my dad's visit. just a few. we had a good time. he was able to be here for both gavin's birthday parties which i am sure was a big blessing to both him and gav. (and me too have an extra pair of hands) He has now been able to help Gavin learn to crawl and walk! The Lord has blessed with with great visits at just the right time. We are anxious for Grandpa to come out here again?! Come as soon as you would like!!!!!!

2009-08-17T21:46:00.002-04:00

2009-08-17T21:37:00.001-04:00

i think he's pretty cool

2009-08-16T20:37:00.005-04:00

so my son is one funny kid. i love him. i wish he would sleep with me, thats why i get for instilling structure and routine ;) last night at 12:45 i was wide awake and in "need" of some snuggling. you would think he would have just rolled right over in his momma's big comfy bed and continue on with his slumber, but of course not. after 20 min i gave up put him back in his bed, and i am certain he was out before his head hit his mattress. seriously?!?! anyway baby number two is sleeping in our bed longer or more often than gavin did. oh and my son has graduated to taking steps to "walking" its still really wobbly and slow but today he kept standing up (not pulling himself up) and trying to "run" through the grass. unfortunately he was too excited and his "running" just kept turning into tumbling. he's a trooper though. :) he makes me happy... i mean just look at his face?! doesn't he make you happy too?!

okay i guess you cant see his face::ive tried for three days to upload a picture apparently my blog doesnt like me.

We're back

2009-08-11T08:20:00.003-04:00

Did you miss us?

So okay its going to take me more than one post to catch up. BUT I will try to make all of them "count" for the time I've lost. ps It blessed my heart that more than one of you "strongly" "noted" that I needed to get the Internet because you missed my blog. I liked to be liked.

I am so busy...

with what?! who knows, all I know is that my weeks more
often turn to blurs... than long slow drawn out stand stills::you know like
when you are nine months pregnant and it flew by up until you are 3-4 weeks
out and then all of a sudden you are CERTAIN the world has stopped time,
standing still just to make you fully enjoy all the discomfort in your body,
right Kaley :) hahahahaha

That it almost makes me forget how much I miss my Sam. It has been well over two months since he has been gone, with only 5+ months until R&R, 42 weeks left of this deployment...I can pretty much see the finish line *she chocks from laughing* Here's a tangent for you::why is it that spring really is the accumulation of the rest of the year. I am almost certain of this phenomenon::those first 4-6 months take up the same time as the last 8-12 months of the year, yet, similarly to pregnancy I am positive it takes twice if not three times as long to endure the duration of winter to spring to summer. For this reason I am quite discontented that my husband arrives home at the END of spring and beginning of summer. Which means I have to endure all the SSSLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW months awaiting his arrival only to have him in my arms and time to start flying by again. weird. you know its true too.

Back on target.

This toddler stage is proving to be much more difficult than the baby stage. I am certain I would be a much better mother to my son and enjoy this stage fully if my husband was home::this is not the case. My son went full force into "toddling" perhaps all do? Most my friends and family could attest to that as well. He looked like a toddler months before his birthday and his behaviors have exponentially grown into what I so fondly have described him as "adventurous" and as my little explorer. Its now in all aspects of his life::not just the physical but the spiritual/moral and have reached a new dynamic on child:parent relationship. My son is an absolute delight and is a wonderful child. After all I think he is just doing/being what all kids his age do and are... with a slight emphasis on my own personality and traits eeek. He has a will and his own personality, and is now choosing to do what he will with it, and I can only "try" to stop him. He really is well behaved, well conditioned, not easily ruffled, easily distracted thus easily transportable, infact I think "his" flaws are just found in his mommy's temper and inpatience. Gavin deserves better, but I'll have to do. These are the times that I thank the Lord, He is ultimately His father and that everything I mess up, He can correct and improve.

On the absolute opposite side of it all, he is my everything. Ugh to think of doing this deployment without him is devastating. On Tuesdays my mom-in-law "Bumma" has an outstanding invitation to all the grandkids to come and play giving us mommies a break, giving the kids a chance to play and develop those great cousin memories, and her a chance to spend some time with her babies. Each Tuesday I make a concious decision, to give myself a break, and its not been going so well. Perhaps if I am distracted with friends I survive the day just fine but am still exhausted picking him up. However, if I actually conciously choose to just take it slow do only what I have to do... my day goes on forever. Last Tuesday I couldn't pick him up soon enough. Ironic? I desperately want a break from my son but can't stand to be away from him, and all day I just keep thinking I'll need to get him up from his nap here soon, or its almost time for lunch, did I do this or that... blah blah blah. Which reminds me::

I have an issue with cleanliness and order. Especially in times of anxiety for me. I have a hard time relaxing if things aren't in their proper place. I am always making sure my house it tidy and clean. Really, its nice, but I just wish I could let it go and not care. Because sometimes it causes more stress than I need. Like why do I need to make my bed everyday? or make sure the house is tidy before I leave on Sunday mornings to go to church and Bumma's house for dinner... I'll be gone most of the day, no one is going to stop by, Gavin doesnt care, in fact I bet he would like it messy, I don't care besides this compulsion to need it to be in order. really. really. my husband doesnt care he lives in a pile of dirt on a cot in Iraq. All this work for what or why?

Okay I guess this is it for now. It's taken me a couple hours on and off... and now I have forgotten what I was blogging about. So, I'll be back sooner than I was before ;)

please stay tunned...

2009-06-19T11:10:00.002-04:00

we are currently experiencing some difficulties:

ie: we have no Internet

this may or may not be a permanent situation for this coming year. we'll keep you posted.

Real Quick Updates:
All moved and unpacked
Overwhelmedly blessed by friends and family... with their support encouragement service
Missing Daddy tremendously
Communications with Daddy have been pretty good.
Sam is in transit.
Crawling... Standing... about to walk?!?!?!
My new name: "Mom Mom"
Loving being closer to family and friends
Mooching off the other Chaputs for dinner, Internet, and well everything else
Already been to the Lake to chill with Grandpa Gilles and the McDonnell clan...
LOVE BEING NEAR THE LAKE!
Cody is adjusting: he by far has had the hardest time with the transition~go figure
Broke as a joke.
Made the right decision to move home.
Money's got nothin' on me.
so far so good.
keeping busy.
making time fly by.
only 50 more weeks to go.

daddy's little buddy

2009-05-30T07:55:00.001-04:00

can you feel it?

2009-05-28T09:21:00.003-04:00

the anticipation

the excitement

the stress

in 11 days me and the babe will be in Indiana. how do you feel about that ;)

were in the home stretch. im ready for this deployment to start. the sooner he gets there the sooner he'll get back.

this is how i feel askdjfaskldjfkl;sa j;asklfhjkashasdklfh kjasdf

Jon & Kate +8

2009-05-25T22:23:00.005-04:00

Sadness engulfs my heart. I just finished watching the season premiere of Jon&Kate Plus 8, and as they wrapped up the show, I couldn't help but feel a brick in the bottom of my stomach. Now I am not an avid fan of the show, but I do enjoy it from time to time.

Yes, I have been known to get invested in my shows. Real or Fictional. Even in the midst of fiction most characters symbolize something not too far from reality, and can even communicate a truth more effectively.

Here is a couple that for the past five years their lives have been openly displayed (albeit they signed on for the ride) on television for the world to see. We welcome them into our homes. We've watched their children grow from babies to little adults ;) We allow them to bring laughter and joy for those 20 or so minutes to our hearts, and then critique and criticize their lives. I would like to know what people would say if they saw my life on TV. I only have one child, I can't imagine what I would look like with 8. Life is hard enough without being in the spot light. Life is hard enough for me and my husband with one child. Life is just hard.

My heart breaks when people say such horrible things about either one of them, but especially Kate. Yes, she has her downfalls, but what do you see when you look in the mirror in the morning? How do you respond to your spouse after a long and strenuous day? How many children do you have? We are so quick to judge after only seeing a few snippets of their lives. I am pretty sure their lives consist of more than the however many 20 minute episodes aired on TLC. One thing I always admire in anyone, is the point at which we own up to ourselves. Kate always does. She knows she struggles with OCD and perfectionism. She owns up to nagging Jon from time to time ;). At least she is honest with herself. How many of you are honest with who you really are. It doesn't justify our actions, but acceptance is the first step in the right direction. There will always be an area in my life that is a mess, that is in shambles. That is what makes me a human being. At least she doesn't pretend she is someone she's not.

Either way, there is nothing she (or even he) could do that can justify such poor behavior on either of their part. I am of the belief we are responsible for our own choices. Circumstances my influence or sway a person, but at the end of the day you choose what you choose and are responsible for that choice, not your mom, dad, brother, dog... It is not a way to live to blame everyone you know for the direction of your life. I could have choose a whole lot worse life for myself, especially from what I was exposed to, but I think I made a pretty darn awesome life for myself, with not thanks to anyone except the choices I made and my Lord that helped me choose them.

You can call me naive, but I believe that Jon didn't have an affair. However, I am certain, there is trouble. He may not have done the deed, but there is something wrong. I am not laying the blame all on him, and I am glad he openly takes responsibility for making poor choices, but I do think he sure isn't protecting or fighting for his marriage the way he should have been or should be doing.

Here are two people, that are falling apart. It is heart wrenching to be sitting in my living room watching the train wreck that is their marriage right now. I have full faith they can pull through. I just hope they do. I hope and pray they don't become another statistic. That they don't settle for mediocrity. That they don't accept the lies of the enemy that they drifted apart and now are two different people now. That they stick to each other for their children, but that they choose to forgive and make the effort to love each other for the sake of their children and for each other.

We've seen their good times and bad... and now the worst of times. Come on' Jon and Kate. You can do it. Please don't be another failed marriage. Please rise above the tide. Stay true to who you are, cling to your faith, show the world how a Christian marriage is suppose to work. Its not that we don't have hard times, but that we have a Lord that sees us through those hard times. That we forgive. That we can change, because of the One who changes us from the inside out. Be a light to this world. Be the example you know you would want your children to follow. With such privilege comes responsibility. We as Christians are humans we have flaws but we are called to a higher standard, because we know right from wrong. Show the world. Be the exception.

here i am...

2009-05-23T17:56:00.003-04:00

may is a good month for us. we get an anniversary and a birthday. all of which bless my heart because of the man that shares those special dates.

my poor husband has probably had the worst birthday/anniversary ever. first there is the endless supply of tedious work overload that the army likes to hand out, but then he gets to come home to me and prime our walls and fix our car and fix his motorcycle...

however, on the other side of it: can i just say i married a sexy sexy man. i am pretty sure i won the lottery with sam (to steal a line from Dan In Real Life). not very many men are nearly as committed and disciplined as my husband, let alone the endless amount of honor and integrity that spews out from everything his says, does, and yes even thinks. its impressive even for me after four years of marriage that he never wavers. its not pretend, he is not putting on a show, this is who he really is all the time. even in his moments of weakness, who he is as a person is far superior than about 97% of all the people i have ever met. which leads me to my current predicament: sitting on the couch blogging, while gavin is crawling all over banging on whatever makes noise,

(why is hitting a door so appealing? and how does it not hurt his little hands? i wonder what he is thinking staring and talking to our pantry door while pretty much giving it a high five??)

and my wonderful husband after (i wont disclose how long exactly) hours has been working on our stupid car. sam blesses my heart. he makes me feel so loved. he takes his spare time to fix my car so its safe to drive and saves us $$$$$ (the exact number is around 800 dollars people) by putting in the effort himself. he teaches himself all that is to know about cars, which amazes me: how you can teach yourself how to take apart a car and put it back together and it actually start up and drive?!?!?!?! all i have to say is hot stuff.

there is nothing hotter to me than my man taking care of me and my household and saving us money. im so proud of my husband. i dont know how a guy like him picked a girl like me, but i definately won.

i often remind sam, he is not allow to die ever, or atleast until after i die. i never want to date again. i never want to love another man. i never want anyone but him... or be without him. so we have a deal. he's absolutely not allowed to die and he agrees.

an apple from the random tree.

2009-05-20T14:11:00.003-04:00

So Gavin has a myraid of stuffed animals and crib toys. As I tuck him in for a nap and say night night to all his friends, I think to myself, I sure am a crazy lady. So here are his friends:

Fuzzy Bunny, Pup Pup, Jesus Bunny, Cutie Bug Tigger, Hungrey Catepillar (which is actually a carseat toy I strapped onto the rails), and then there is bear I missed when packing, he has yet to recieve a name. Of course there is also the Rainforest Musical Crib toy... so I think he has enough to keep him busy. As I have packed and forgotten some toys I think the collection has quadrupled. Oh there is also Grover. Wow. Thats a lot of friends.

Pup Pup is by far the favorite naptime accessory. Bumma got it for baby. Its big and floppy and oh so snuggley. Since its so big we don't allow him in the crib at night, but at naptime its magical.

In second place is Jesus Bunny. I got him from Walmart for Gavin's Easter basket. He was like a dollar. Gavin sure does love him though. If I sneek in a peek while he is settling down he almost always has Jesus Bunny in his hands playing with him/rubbing his face in him. I love it. Jesus Bunny is holding a cross thus the name Jesus Bunny.

I think back to my childhood when I loved my stuffed animals so much. Its funny even already how much Gavin seems to like his friends. He cracks up all the day long if you turn and talk to them or give them kisses. Its hilarious. Its become Sam's bedtime routine to kiss Grover and then Grover kisses Gavin... you can hear him laughing from across the house. Its beautiful.

just imagine...

2009-05-19T19:57:00.002-04:00

so on facebook there is this application called weight view... you upload a picture of yourself and then submit how much you want to lose and then in a few days they send you a picture of the skinnier you. for kicks and giggles i sent in a picture of myself and said minus 15, i have always wanted to know what i would look like at about 120 give or take. and i know i didnt send in the greatest picture i wasnt wearing the most form fitting clothes, but when i got my picture back i first thought that they just sent me my original back and that i must need to go find where the other one was. i dont know if you can tell... i mean there is a difference but barely. sam couldnt tell which one was which when i pulled them up next to each other. i laughed really hard. im pretty sure if i lost 15 more pounds i would hope there would be a bigger difference. lol. maybe i should have said i needed to lose 30lbs. that would have been something.

rockie rockie...

2009-05-15T12:29:00.004-04:00

so Gavin is regressing. I don't know what's up with my little buddy, but something has been bothering him. Even so much that he has had a hard time falling asleep at night (which never is an issue), so for the past three nights or so he goes down and then in a hour wakes up screaming inconsoleable tears of sorrow. The only comfort is being held. So we rock. I watch my shows and I rock him and he falls asleep (or almost asleep) and I put him in his bed for the night. My poor guy. This is also in conjunction with his insestant whinning. WHOA, where this came from ???? All I know is I am ready for it to go away. Nothing works outside me surrendering and picking him up. What is this clingy baby? I don't know. If I say no-he cries harder. If I ignore him-he never stops. I dont want to give in so usually I just ignore him all day, but you would think after days upon days he would realize he isnt getting anything from it and quite. No such luck. He sure is cute though. ;)

No Gavin...

2009-05-04T16:47:00.004-04:00

My son is the highlight of my life. This totally encompasses everything that is my wonderful bubbly son. I love him dearly... attitude and drama and all. :D

remind me again?!?!

2009-04-30T12:32:00.003-04:00

WHY AM I MOVING BACK HOME?!?!?!?!?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

its a good thing that the process is already set in motion so i cant turn back.

i dont think that i thoroughly thought things through. well i think i did at one point: thus the mental note that kept flashing in the back of all my thoughts warning me never to do it again. blerg. dont get me wrong. i love indiana. i love the state. i love the location. i love the people. i love my church. i love most things about the midwest, and am grateful to be going back to be apart of it again, HOWEVER... this move is costing me thousands of dollars not to mention the time effort and work it will be to pack and unpack my whole house and the added stress that moving brings and the physical demand it will put on well me, mom, and dad...

then pack and unpack again within a few months. Not to mention the process of getting another house down here will be the biggest hassel of all (well if it goes as smoothly as it did before :P). im depressed. anxiety is setting in. i know its nothing that can stand against my Jesus but i am afraid i have already embarked down that path today and all that darkness came flooding in. praise the Lord my husband is so confident and self assured. he never misses a beat. especially with finances. deployment to me is a time to save up and prepare for that time when we will get out of the army or have to buy another car and to bless sam with when he returns... so then when i see myself (what i feel like) throwing all this money out the window to move home, i feel totally guilty. because the move is totally self-centered. its for my comfort and convience because i miss home and bottom line want to be there. meanwhile across the world will be my husband living in a tent in 120 degree heat, probably getting shot at. okay it probably wont be a tent. but nonetheless. i feel totally selfish and just foolish. like i am being foolish with our household. plus my husband is leaving in just a few weeks. the tears are overcoming me.

i think its more that i just don't want the change. because really money doesnt matter to me, its always one of those things that is just a signal that something else is really bothering me. im a hardworker and honestly don't mind and i dont think i even really complain. i do what i do because well it needs to be done. i know mom and dad selfless help us out and wouldnt have it any other way. so really it just leaves the fact that i dont want to leave because i dont want my husband to leave.

on the upbeat. check out this amazing boy. he's growing so much. i am so blessed that for the rest of my life i get to look at his face and think... man we created that. every time he gives me crazy eyes and a furrowed brow... i know he is his daddy's boy.

crawl baby crawl

2009-04-24T18:09:00.003-04:00

baby pilates

2009-04-24T15:40:00.003-04:00

this was a couple weeks ago. we went from slow crawling to a stand still where he would only put his butt up in the air and lift his legs. i called it baby pilates. it was very amusing. gavin has now progressed though and is quickly becoming quite the crawler... and he even has some speed behind him now.

hello sunshine :D

2009-04-24T15:01:00.002-04:00

we walked in after nap time to this beautiful sight :D what a cutie pie. he wasn't quite fully standing it was more like he was on his knees but this was the first time he even got up to look over the side of the crib. he is growing so much! it wont be too long until he is pulling himself up like a pro and walking around the house like a big boy.

heads up...

2009-04-24T09:36:00.003-04:00

hullo. its been a while since i posted and it will probably be a while to my next decent post. i havent really had the energy or motivation to do pictures or to say anything at all except nothing. we are going into our last month before Sam leaves and yesterday started the tears and depression. i am already having a really hard time. i hate the saddness of depression. its so heavy. and its one of those things that no matter how hard i try it doesnt lift. i cant chose happiness or joy in the midst of it. i mean i cling to it, but i can seem to choose to change my feelings. and its something i can't really explain, but until you experience it you cant really undestand. thank goodness for Jesus and the Truth and Hope He instills in my heart. i will try to keep up to keep you posted especially to how things will unfold, but I cant promise anything. thanks friends for understanding and i know all the prayers. you're the best.

(to steal jen's tag lines)

spending every spare second laying on the couch with my husband . . . and probably gaining back 10lbs from it ;)

shannon

my guilty pleasure...

2009-04-17T15:18:00.002-04:00

I know it sounds naughty. but maybe it is?!?! ;) Mo's blog about Andy and his crack of choice inspired me to mine: tea. For those of you who don't know (which i doubt there are any still out there) i love hot drinks. lattes, coffee (with lots of cream and sugar), teas, and especially CHI TEA. I don't know is there health risks of drinking too much tea? If there is: caution I may be in the very high risk category, and if so maybe I should go into the doctor... so let me know. I drink lots of tea. Lots of it. Especially since I am dieting... what better sweet treat than one thats hot and the only calories are in blotch of milk?!?! *and well I guess the whip cream when I am feeling extra special good* I sometimes feel a little bit guilty that my indulence is so expesive... but more often I am just embarrassed at the price I am willing to pay for a White Mocha or Carmel Frap from Starbucks and how often I may or may not go.... Quickest way into my heart, ask me out for coffee. Seriously=immediate friends :D

i can't remeber life without him. . .

2009-04-15T02:19:00.004-04:00

my son makes me so happy. i can't believe that tomorrow he will be nine months old. even though my life before motherhood is a distant memory... often surrounded by a fog? i am told this is called mom brain. i think i have a pretty severe case, and i think a majority of you could attest i wasn't too great before having a kid. . . so where does that leave me now ;). i can't believe this journey started 18 months ago, with the rest of my life ahead of me. its been great. we have have had trials (what would life be without them?) which are always blessings in disguise, but mainly we have just had blessings. each day is an adventure. each moment precious. i don't take my life for granted. im humbled by the greatness of it. for many of you ~ you don't get to see us every day so i'll catch you up on our lives at nine months of age. Gavin has many accomplishments :) LOL i guess thats what we'll call them ;)

He apparently can not only sit by himself but get into the sitting position by himself~although I have not physically seen the accomplishment of this, I have only left him in the room on his belly and to come back in a few moments to see him sitting in front of something he probably shouldn't be and putting things like shoes and chewy slimy dog bones in his mouth.

I am going to go ahead and call it... he can crawl. He has moved forward several times, but at the pace of a snail. More often he maneuvers into what I can only describe as the inch worm. He gets up on all fours and extends out (getting into the plank position or that position right before you do push ups?) then lays down on his belly only to pull up his legs and reach out again. This is dumbfounding to me because it has to be so much more work than actually crawling? Since he has crawled I would think he knows this himself... but he prefers the inch worm. It is very entertaining though, he looks like a crazy.

He has four teeth. We added the two top teeth earlier this month, with two more close behind. With the teeth comes along with my son loving to eat. He can feed himself things like Cheerios or little snacks and he LOVES them. I think he is almost ready for real food. :/

He pulls himself up on me, other than that he can stand holding on to his crib or the couch, but doesn't know how to get into the standing position.

One of my favorite things now, is he actually holds on when you hold him. This is my favorite when I get him up from his nap. Maybe its a hug? It sure feels like it sometimes. :D Although, he doesnt reach for me... instead he gets excited and waves his arms up and down emphatically... but never in the up direction, its more like he is trying to hit the ground.

He expresses himself in a myriad of ways, sounds, and babble. None which I can tell is truly associated correctly... except one time he did say ba ba when he saw me mixing his bottle. Which I in turn hid the bottle and mimicked him... he waited. I showed him the bottle and he said ba ba again. So maybe? I know he knows his name and Cody's. If you ask him where Cody is . . . he starts to smile and laugh and searches for his dog. (They are good buddies, today Cody was chewing on a bone and Gavin *crawled* over and took it from him and started chewing on it himself... Cody let him as well as Daddy, apparently Sam thought it was funny... Mommy didnt)

Last but not least... my son has finally discovered his feet and they fill him with delight. Don't kids usually get that at like 3 months? LOL. It just took Gavin half a year longer. Now he likes to take off his socks and play with his toes. They have turned to be the greatest distraction on the changing table which is wonderful since I spend 50% of my day there changing poopy diapers. I envy my son's regularity. Its truly impressive. I didn't know it was possible to poop so much and so often.

Not the most exciting post. . . but hopefully you feel a little more included in our family. Sam's on leave now so we are getting lots of extra time with daddy and soaking up every moment, since he leaves in just a few weeks. Life is about to change drastically for us. . . so we are taking things slow over here and just sort of moseying about.

hippity hop... hippity hop

2009-04-13T12:54:00.006-04:00

In honor of Easter and the fact we don't celebrate the Easter Bunny... we bought bunny ears? They're fun, funny, furry, and fabulous. We put them all on. Gavin especially liked them.

*my response to your thoughts* I don't think he will hate me or even be embarrassed by me (outside the normal child/parent embarrassment). Folks he has never known or will ever know any mother but me. I think he will get used to the fact I am crazy and come to love me that way, just like my husband does. I mean really.... what else would you expect from me on Easter? You know that you also love this about me. I am confident in myself, my choices, my style, and my humor. :D My partner in crime is my husband as well. We are two peas in a pod. So there you go.

I am pretty sure Gavin was stoked and I think I even heard him say that he really appreciated his Easter basket. He was only sad to find out there was an EASTER EGG HUNT at Bumma's. He told me he really wished he could have attended... he said he would have kicked every one's butt and found all the Easter eggs because he is the champion of the world...

Cody on the other hand was taunted by Gavin's new toy: Cutie Bug Tiger. Seriously that's his name. It was on the box. (one reason I bought it :D) See CBT has a silky bug in between his paws and when you squeeze him or hold him he squeaks. . . in Cody's language this is nothing else but euphoria to him when and if he was actually able to snatch it up in between his slobbery jaws and chomp it's little head off. However, he wasn't allowed and he was very disappointed to say the least. Instead of pleasure it was more like torture. I could hear his angry thoughts as Gavin joyfully played with his new CBT. He was a good boy though and so for Easter he got two big rawhide bones. Which after being reprimanded several times, surrendered CBT over to Gavin and played with his bones for the rest of the afternoon.

Sam and I had a good Easter as well. We got some movies and lots of candy. Which of course I can't eat. I knew that when I was buying it (drool was dripping out of my mouth when I checked out) but have high hopes up digging in on Saturday. Only four more days. :) Thank goodness. Okay, I did indulge in one of my chocolate bunnies. . . which in turn = me being sick for hours and gaining back a pound of the three I have lost. Lesson learned. Its like when you haven't had fast food in forever and then go to McDonalds and start off with a Big Mac... you can expect an unpleasant experience to follow you shortly after your meal ends. Sam on the other hand has been eating delicious thing one after the other. Stupid Men. High Metabolisms. I better lose more than three pounds by the end of this. :( It's okay I am really not discouraged, I am thankful three pounds in one week is huge for me, so even if I can lose another three pounds this week it will be pretty amazing. And then I would only be up three pounds from before they put me on steroids.

hello my name is Gavin...

2009-04-08T15:57:00.003-04:00

and all I do is whine.

my son is driving me bonkers. infact i am so annoyed right now i completely stopped everything i was doing to blog about it. you can hand me the worlds best mother award at our next ceremony. :P

let me tell you about my son. normally he is a wonderful child. albeit he has a good amount of personality... probably too similar to my own sometimes. as of late he has skillfully mastered the unique art of whining... or fake crying... or fake coughing... or pretty much fake anything.

i dont know what't wrong with him this afternoon. okay i do. it could be another tooth. or it could be his crazy diaper rash. or even the fact that as i was picking him up from the changing table i bumped his little head on the shelf above it...

or that then a picture frame fell down and hit him on the same spot... OR that then it was so funny i laughed at him and was laughing so hard i almost dropped him on the floor. i honestly didnt mean to. but the series of events were so bizarre. for one that i lifted him that high? and two that then the frame fell down too.... poor bud. i guess he is having as tough a day as me. he's always worth it though. motherhood as a huge learning curve for me atleast. LOL

today i was quite productive all before noon... here i'll impress you.

Fed, Watered, and let Cody out: CHECK!

went to the SSC to get my WIC vouchers: CHECK!

Got the stuff for our Easter Baskets at Target: CHECK!

Went to Babies to get poopy sacks: CHECK!

Got amazing deals and saved a lot of money: CHECK!

Let Gavin get a cat nap in the car before waking him up to do more errands: CHECK!

went to the bank and deposited a check$$$$$!!!: CHECK!

Set a move date for us in June: CHECK!
Filled up the car with gas: CHECK!

Was in a traffic jam because the VP is visiting us: CHECK!!

Did dishes and put them away: CHECK!

Talked to Mom, Kate, Jen, and Mo: CHECK!

don't feel bad. i know that i am an over achiever.

on the other hand. my afternoon check list...

Spent time with My Jesus :D

Take care of a whinny baby :)

Continued on the South Beach diet... although i may be gaining?!? WHAT!@#$%^&*

booboos and owies

2009-04-07T18:59:00.006-04:00

more poor bud. first let me express my sheer hatred of diaper rashes. they are the worst! uck.

gavin's other top tooth decided to make a grand appearance a few days ago. my long waited fear of him only having one top tooth is now dust in the wind. however, along with that beautiful tooth, also compounded with a fourteen hour car ride, my little boy got a diaper rash. its not huge, but it is intense. he cries so intensely i forget what i am doing right in the middle of changing his diaper. all i can think is i need to pick my baby up. i can't unless i want poop all over me and all over everything. my heart pounds so loud its surprising i can still hear him cry, but of course instead its magnified. the result: poop everywhere and somehow i drop everything else all over the place so my nursery is a MESS in more ways than one :P what i do best when my son has a diaper rash. let him be naked. urg. now its way more of a hassel as he is rolling and scooting and crawling well backwards that is.... but i suck it up and take on the challenge. on the sad note sam is still at work with no signs of coming home soon... so i think i picked the wrong day for a challenge.

on a good note in between cries and washing blankets and clothes and the carpet and floors *sidenote* and yelling at cody from licking my son's bottom -PUKE, why are dogs so gross... i got a good chunk of pictures done... let's hear the TADA! . . . thank you thank you. so here's a treat for you ;) some of my favs

Gavin's best friend ;) Colton

Gavin doesn't like to share his new toy ... not even with his BFF

Gavin & Daddy at the Beach :D ~I love my boys

Mommy & Gavin at the beach

would you rather?

2009-04-05T22:15:00.003-04:00

here is a sample of what my life is like. this is a constant stream in our household. would you rather is just like regular conversation for my husband. (in honor of everyone doing written out dramas...)

Sam: Would you rather if I had blond hair or red?
Me: Blond...
Sam: Blue hair or red?
Me: ? Blue
Sam: Orange hair or pink?
Me: Pink
Sam: how about grey hair or brown?
Me: (long pause) well I hope when you age you have really great grey hair like George Clooney... but brown I guess ;)

a few seconds later

Sam: Would you rather be wear fancy bling man rings on every finger and a lot of them or a big gold gangsta chain around my neck.
Me: Where do you come up with this stuff???
Sam: Which one?
Me: Well I guess the necklace thing
Sam: What if it said "Gangsta Hoes"
Me: Then we would be getting a divorce
Sam: (chuckling) okay okay how about just "GANGSTA"!
Me: Sure whatever but I would be embarrassed.
Sam: Would you rather me dress up like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite???
Me: YES! It would be so funny I would laugh every time I looked at you and probably pee my pants. Plus it would be so hilarious no one would take you seriously... so I wouldn't be embarrassed. Pleading: Please do it!
Sam: I would if it wasn't so expensive.
Me: ?

few seconds later....
Sam: Would you rather me always dress like an authentic cowboy or a gangster?
Me: Cowboy. I think they're hot.
Sam: What if I tucked in my shirt?
Me: Still hot.
Sam: What if I wore cowboy boots and tucked in my pants?
Me: Sure, I dont mind if you have the right jeans on.
Sam: Really?
Me: Yeah, sure. Well, as long as they aren't you're really lose jeans all rolled up and turned into bloomies (my own made up description of the vision in my head)
Sam: Bloomies?
Me: eh ? ya?
Sam: Well, I would dress up like an authentic cowboy... except I'd be a poser, and we'll you can't run in cowboy boots.
Me: (fall out laughing!) what?!?! where are you running in cowboy boots? I didn't know running was a stipulation on anything....?

oh the highlight of my life. the love of my life. laughter is truly the best medicine.

hi ho the dario we're going to the beach...

2009-04-05T20:57:00.003-04:00

today was wonderful. woke up. birds signing. sun shinning. gavin slept in a whole extra hour! our conclusion: we should go to the beach. we pack up as fast as we can, which was more resembled the quickness of a turtle, and dash, or creeped out the door. the journey to the coast is a two+ hour drive. we were feeling good, you could pretty much hear the country music (for those of you who dont know, when summer comes along i like to pull out the twangy tunes... i dont know why but for me country=summer) our ambition got the best of us. translation: we were going to venture to a new beach destination. long story short, the road literally ended. i mean driving driving... oh i guess its done? me: what? sam: i guess we'll turn around? sam: i guess this is the "new" beach shannon: uh? speechless. i would like to send out a sarcastic speech of gratitude to mapquest. can you guess where it dead ended.... wrightsville beach: our least favorite beach of all. :P still optimistic, nothing is getting us down today, we just took it as a sign that this time it will be different. unfortunately, i think the whole world was feeling as wonderful as us and must have had the same brilliant idea of heading to the beach. translation: driving around for 30 desperately searching for any open spot to park. Flashback: this is why i hate coming to this beach! the clouds parted and it was like the heaven's opened up and shone on the most beautiful spot. i think i actually heard the choirs singing. it was close as you could get to the beach without driving up on the sand. we unload and venture out to spend a day in the sun... waves crashing... people laughing.... good times good times. little did we know that what was suppose to be a day in the sun, quickly turned to a day in the wind with no sun in sight. gavin was quite the sport. in fact he was so excited it must have wore the living daylights out of him, or maybe it was the fact that he was wrapped up in two beach towels and a receiving blanket :O (i think there was like thirty degrees difference in temperature from fort bragg to wilmington) and passed out for a couple hours. i mean he was dead to the world. couple times i think sam forgot he wasn't just a pile of towels and threw a couple of things on him. don't worry he didn't budge. as the day went on we were getting colder and colder. however, being the good mother i pride myself in being, i didnt want to wake him, so we waited. as the ice spread to my toes, seriously: i didn't dress for the winter, which it most definitely was ;)... i became more resentful that Gavin was sleeping so peacefully with no signs of waking up. i threw that nonsense of motherhood out the window and shook my son awake... just kidding. i picked up my bundle of towels and tip toed to the car. which was all in vain, it was probably a climate shock moving him from his furnace to the brisk breezy sea air just before snuggling him in to his car seat, so Gavin awoke to more unpleasant world than falling asleep to. i am probably lucky i didnt cook him, he was that warm. i think i was trying to overcompensate for how freezing i was. Gavin's ride home wasn't as pleasant as the rest of his day. sam tried to be savvy and use the chrysler's nav system instead of going the way we came. translation: a lot of extra driving. apparently the pacifica doesn't acknowledge some major highways as roads at all? anyway we are home now. it was relaxing... in fact so relaxing i think im exhausted. that's our story for today. we are however safe and and ready for a warm good nights rest.

we are glad to have daddy home :D

2009-04-04T11:11:00.001-04:00

Bye Bye Grandpa Gilles

2009-03-21T13:11:00.003-04:00

well we had a wonderful visit with my dad. he leaves in just a few hours. we are so thankful for him coming out from our ER visit, to cleaning my car, cleaning my carpets, and fixing up a whole bunch of random things around the house. it was great! it never felt so good to not take out the trash! we are going to miss him, but it will only be a couple more months until we get to see him again! another good thing is we start packing and are going to go visit our other grandparents tomorrow! hooray! another wonderful distraction until daddy comes home.

I would like to thank Mo, for this award :P

2009-03-18T20:12:00.003-04:00

Here are the rules of the game: List 7 things you love and then pass the award on to 7 people..tagging them and letting them know they won! You can copy the picture of the award and put it on your sideboard letting the whole wide world know you are KREATIV!

okay so here it is... note: i love many things, much of which you already know the obvious, Sam , Gavin, Jesus, Friends, Family... so i am going for the less obvious randoms things of my life that make me happy.

1. Tea or Coffee... hot drinks in general. Starbucks is my love language. White Mocha Please. or on a hot day Carmel Frappaccino PLEASE!

2. Rainy days. The smell. The wind. The sound. The beautiful thing that goes pitter patter, makes my heart stop. I like a good gloomy day.

3. Candles, Fabric Softner, Air Freshner... I love having my own "home" smell. Smell can hold the most powerful memories, so I like it to be a good smell = good fond memories.

4. The smell of motor oil. Because when Sam comes home he often smells like the motor pool and I love my husband and miss that smell when its gone.

5. TV or let's say Satellite. I love TV. I do. I'm a bum. I don't care. Me + TV = Love. Satellite has wonderful channels. Noggin, Disney Channels, Nickelodeon Channels, Food Network, TLC, Bravo, HGTV, Discovery, History Channel, Cartoon Network, TBS, you get the picture. ;)

6. Most of you know this one, but PHOTOGRAPHY. I am an avid admirer. I decided that if I was ever to HAVE to get a real job I would want to go back to school to learn about photography and become a photojournalist... or something of that sort. I love wedding pictures and baby pictures, but I think my true passion would be in like landscapes and whatnot. To take pictures for National Geographic or those big books of the United States, or Penguins, or Antartica.... :D There is nothing that gives me more joy than taking a beautiful picture. Both the capturing of the moment and then the looking back on it knowing I was there and I took it. Jesus speaks to me a lot through photos.

7. Change. As much as change can be difficult I think it's one of lifes greatest adventures. Change is a neccessity to life and I have learned to really love it. I look forward to change and see that I need it. In all aspects. I like when I see how I have changed as a person dramatically even over these last three years. I like physical change: moving. I like that life is never the same, there is always something new around the corner. Even knowing that change is coming its always a surprise when it hits. I have learned to use change for my benefit and greatly appreciate all its dynamics.

we miss daddy.

2009-03-18T14:47:00.002-04:00

miss \'mis\ (verb):

to discover or feel the absence of or to fail to comprehend, sense, or experience

happenings...

2009-03-12T18:21:00.007-04:00

I heeded Jen's advice and stayed in tonight so after spending some good quality time with my son ...

I decided to do a Gavin post since it's been a while. We got a new sippy cup, its really awesome. we got Logan one to match. Sorry Lil and Jude no one's for you. They spelt Lilly wrong and let's face it they weren't going to have a Judah, although I did look hopefully for a Jude--no luck, Amelia--no luck, and Colt--no way. SO its just Logan and Gavin... but it was really cool because out of all of them Gavin and Logan were the exact same design. I thought it was fun. Gavin really likes his cup. I can't believe I have been talking about this for five minutes I was excited...

We also have had a spurt of wonderful weather. Check out Gavin's AWESOME short overalls. Gavin has been playing outside in his pack and play while Cody watches over him. Its wonderful. Gavin LOVES outside and I just keep the door open and enjoy the breeze. Except for the other day when the neighbors cat came into our house got spooked (which I don't blame the cat, Cody is a big dog... he was being nice, but the cat wasn't expecting a dog I guess) and attacked Cody and scarred Gavin into tears... We had to give the neighborhood center a call.

Other than that we are surviving without Daddy. We miss him terribly, but Grandpa Gilles comes into visit Saturday for a week! Then after that off to Indiana to visit our Bumma and Papa, Aunties and Uncles, and COUSINS! (Friends too! This will be the first time I will get to meet COLT!!!! to say I am excited is an understatement, I can't wait to squeeze his chubby little cheeks!!!) As far as Gavin goes:

He has four spots on top that you can tell he is working on teeth, however, I have been saying this for over a month now. So~ he probably never will get any more teeth.
He can't quite get into the sitting position on his own-he does try really hard. It looks like he is doing crunches. He can sit for long periods of time. He loves the gift Bumma picked out. He sits and plays with it for long periods of time. It's his favorite right now.
He now gets on all fours and goes what I call "bouncy bouncy." Where he rocks back and forth. Its precious. Its probably one of my favorite things ever. He gets so excited and proud and then thinks its hilarious and starts laughing usually giving way to him falling down.
We will be 8 months on the 16th! He is 18lbs... but we have transitioned to quite a few 12month clothes, which I even wonder if they are a little snug sometimes, so we are just making do until the next size up. Which if you know where to find sleepers for 12month olds, I would love to know. I can't find any footed PJs for his size except Gap and Old Navy Online and they are really expensive.
We still only have the two bottom teeth.
We say wah wah wah.... bababababa... mamamamama (only when he is really upset and crying profusely) goos gaas gees...
We can have quite the temper and have had one time out, we pray daily for patience and joy especially with meal times :D.
However, Gavin seems to adhere pretty well to correction.. Praise Jesus I think I will have an obedient boy.
Rolling around on a mission with a purpose to get into everything, we are working on boundaries... like no getting into the TV entertainment system! Or under the recliner? Or pulling apart my couch... lol
We are still spitting up like a champ... but I am starting to wonder if there is some allergies or sensitivities to fruits and veggies. We took out veggies a week ago and when he has either cereal alone or cereal with fruit he does MUCH and by MUCH I MEAN A TON better. ???
He loves it when you clap or wave and is desperately trying to figure out how to join in on the fun... you can tell its like he feels left out. Silly baby.
He grabs everything. We have pretty much conquered no to the hair and glasses, although accidents happen. We try to turn on light switches. And apparently fall out of swings. Yesterday at the gym babysitting place they said he was pulling at the mobile and got it and apparently toppled over. ? I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that. Granted it was one of those half swings... like the travel ones so it was small but really... so maybe no more swings for Gavin. They said he didn't cry and I checked and didn't see any marks... so he's a trooper.
Best of all we had a wonderful day. Naps have been hit and miss it seems like something is bother him and he is having a hard time falling asleep (teeth? stomach?) and when he does he wakes up mid way screaming. ? but if i bring him out and put him in the pack and play he plays quietly... so I can't complain. Much better than yesterday and even the days before.

Thanks for listening about anything and everything you probably didn't want to know and really didn't need to know. But that's what mommas do I suppose.

the woman i want to be...

2009-03-12T09:37:00.004-04:00

i have been thinking a lot about who i am lately. its been interesting to myself that what i used to think were flaws about myself, i am starting to now cherish as assets. i think the Lord is showing me how i was created and giving me an appreciation for what He has intended for Good. its blessed my heart. all this to say that this has lead me to a goal? i guess for myself. here's what i hope one day when people look at me and my life they see this. i hope it comes before i die, because what a shame to waste all those years, but i wouldn't be surprised if it takes a lifetime to achieve.... but even at the brink of achievement i am sure there will just be even more left that i didn't grasp... here we go.

i hope that when people see me that they see a woman who LOVED the LORD and held nothing back. that i would be a woman who wore no shame on her shoulders. no embarrassment. who walked humbly in humility... but embraced with abandon her security in the LORD. i want to be a woman who LOVES YOU completely. that when you talk or have a brief passing or even long standing relationship with me that you would feel 110% LOVED. not because my love is great but because HIS is. that i would always have a broken heart for HIS people. . . and that i would have the motive to do something about it. that i would live a life of action and not sit passively by. and that i would be a woman of transparency. that intimacy would penetrate all that i am... that i would be authentic and real and not hide behind any shape or form of this world... but that as i stand before the LORD and HIS PEOPLE i would be vulnerable and not afraid of the repercussions... but that my heart would be an open heart for the LORD's taking.

misunderstood.

2009-03-11T19:14:00.003-04:00

i just wanted to clarify...

being a mother is hard.

however, my blog was about how its hard being an army spouse. i just wanted to clearly vocalize what i meant. motherhood isnt entirely difficult for me. i mean it has its moments and i expected it to be as difficult as it is. but what really is more of a struggle for me is that my husband is gone so much and sometimes its like im a single parent. and what REALLY hurts is that sam isnt here. not that gavin is driving me bonkers-which he was.

sigh

2009-03-11T13:45:00.005-04:00

you know... i love my life i do. i wouldnt change things for the world. however, on some days its just hard. thats it. it is just hard. i dont want pity or even sympathy or compassion, but sometimes i just want recognition. that my job. its not an easy one. being 14 hours away from home is hard. being in the army away from home is even harder. on normal average work days (for the past 8 month or so) sam is at work by 5:30 am and not home until 7:00pm. this doesnt include when he had jumps and has to work all night. or when he has staff duty and has to go in to work and then do a 24 hour shift. or when he has to go to the field for a week at a time. or when he has to go to California for a full month of training... not including the year he already spent in Afghanistan and another year he is going to spend in Iraq. granted we get wonderful benefits, please dont think i am taking them for granted. but when it has been a week since i have seen my husband... and i mean not at for not a few hours nothing... and i am not going to get to see him for another three weeks... and my son has been teething ?? and so his days have been hard anyway but today it has been horrific. hours and hours of inconsolable crying. days like today i want recognition. i dont want i feel for you. i dont want i know what its like. i dont want be strong. i want -- ya its a hard job. thats it. no advice. no hope. no pity. just acknowledging that its not easy being me and that i do a good job.

*noted*i know its not easy being a lot of people--i am not neglecting that other people don't have it rough (and even harder than me), thats not my intention, its just im tired and sad and just worn out and just want to sit here and be frustrated, I'll be over it in probably 20 minutes, but for now... I am taking up camp here.

i know its hard being you too... dont worry you do a good job :)

Baby Legs?!?!

2009-03-08T16:07:00.004-04:00

What's that Target? You make leg warmers for infant and toddler?!? Gotta get me some of those. So we did. HILARIOUS! I have had some serious awesome finds this week.